earsucker

So this is how Paris Hilton plans to remain relevant. She pulls a Heidi Montag and talks about her bikini body in a magazine. We’re on to you, Paris. We’ve got you all figured out.

Now that her reality show has debuted to craptastic ratings, we knew she would be pulling something like this out of her pocket. Oh wait, bikinis don’t have pockets, do they?

We knew she would be pulling something like this out of her goody parts. She really does hide stuff up there, seriously.

Still, Paris talked about being at her heaviest weight at 125 pounds. And if you don’t feel badly enough for this poor little rich girl, she’ll also tell you about how she turned her upstairs nightclub — IN HER HOUSE — into a gym. Aww, now doesn’t that just tug at your heartstrings…..as you struggle to keep your house paid for and that Toyota in the garage.

ALLEY-OOP!

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