earsucker

Everyone seems to know the exact reason why things went south between Katy Perry and Russell Brand. Now, Us Weekly is jumping on the “he’s crazy” bandwagon. It must be the eyes. Either that, or they’ve seen Arthur once too many times.

Apparently they’ve gotten Katy’s side of the divorce story, talking about their final fights and her “shocking” discoveries. Also, of course, he blindsided her with the divorce. I’m not buying that for a minute. She wasn’t blindsided, she was out in Hawaii for Christmas without her ring, as he was in London not wearing his. She knew that was coming. I believe the religious aspect of their tale and that it’s quite possible that she asked him to do the filing because of her beliefs.

I want to know what she shockingly discovered! Is Russell Brand gay? Did she find him with another woman? Has he fallen off of the wagon? Did his forehead come alive like something out of The Thing and attack her while she was sleeping? What was it?!?

Also in this issue, Justin Timberlake’s proposal to long-time girlfriend, Jessica Biel. In addition to that, the newest Bachelor, Ben Flajnik, disses former Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert. For filler, they’ve got a photo of Rihanna and the title “How stars get thin fast”. LIPOSUCTION. Duh.