earsucker

I don’t know if I believe this or not, but Heidi Montag says that she was offered a spot on Dancing With The Stars. She also revealed that she had to turn down said spot on the dancing competition because of contractual obligations with MTV and the fact that she was afraid of getting get hurt. Oh boohoo.

A source close to The Hills actress said, “It was before her surgeries and so I’m not sure if she wants to risk it now. She already took an elbow from a dancer on the set of her song, Overdosin’, and she’s scared of getting hurt.”

Was that elbow on purpose?!??

She was pitched by her agent to become the co-host of the show, before Brooke Burke landed the job. Then, they reportedly approached her to become a contestant, but The Hills took precedence…and afterward, I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!

The source added, “She was devasted, she had even started training on the side.”

She was devastated AND scared to get hurt?!?? We’re not buying it. Are YOU?

According to a close friend of Dr. Frank Ryan’s, Heidi Montag was harboring a secret crush on him. Well, she sure has a crazy way of showing it!

His friend, Dawn DaLuise, said, “I believe she had a crush on him. I believe she was romantically obsessed with him….she saw him as a knight in shining armor.”

Heidi has claimed that Dr. Ryan wanted her to “be his Barbie doll”, but Dawn said that it was more like the other way around. She said, “He sent texts and emails to friends saying that she wanted to be a Barbie, she wanted to look exactly like a Barbie.”

Reportedly, Dr. Ryan even went as far as trying to talk her out of her quest for perfection. Dawn said, “He presented why he didn’t think this was a good idea.”

Dawn went on to reveal that “She showed up at the office uninvited” and that co-workers knew “he wouldn’t take her calls.” She added, “She began that pursuit only after he was rebuking her on a personal and social level.”

This chick would sell out her own mother if she thought it would give her press!

Last year, Heidi Montag underwent a series of ten surgeries in one day so that she could alter her appearance. Her doctor, Dr. Frank Ryan, performed the surgeries all in one day, much to the dismay of critics.

Yesterday, Heidi felt the need to blast Dr. Ryan, even though he passed away earlier this year in a car accident.

Per our report from yesterday:

Despite making money off of her surgeries, Heidi went on to reveal that hindsight is always 20/20 and wouldn’t go through with it again if she had it all to do over. She said, “I wouldn’t do it again…If I could go back, I wouldn’t have had them. It was a lot harder, then I was led on by my doctor. I didn’t know how excessive it really was.”

Now, a friend of his, Dawn DaLuise says that she knows the reason behind Heidi’s comments. She said, “She is desecrating his memory.” She went on to reveal that Heidi had become obsessed with Dr. Ryan and he was forced to turn down her advances.

Dawn said, “Heidi Montag is taking advantage of Dr. Ryan’s death. Her PR people and agents were weighing the options of her either attending the memorial service for him on Monday or going on TV and talking about him and I guess she decided to trash him instead of remember him. Heidi is just trying to stay famous.”

Dawn added, “Heidi was fixated with Dr. Ryan. He told friends that she used to show up and try to talk to him all the time. She was obsessed with him and he spurned her advances.”

SNAP!

Heidi Montag seemed to enjoy her ten plastic surgeries in one day, but now she’s blasting the man who made it possible, Dr. Frank Ryan. Even though he passed away in a freak car accident this August, she pulls no stops in calling him out for saying her surgeries weren’t excessive.

Heidi says that she has regrets over the surgical procedures, and wouldn’t have gone through with it if Dr. Ryan hadn’t convinced her it wasn’t excessive.

She said, “It’s not who I am. It’s something I did. It was a choice that I made, and I wanted other women and people to know, ‘Yeah, I have insecurities and so does everyone, and this is what I did, and I don’t want to lie about it, and I don’t want to cover it up. I don’t like lying. It’s just not who I am. In retrospect, I do wish I never would have said anything.”

Despite making money off of her surgeries, Heidi went on to reveal that hindsight is always 20/20 and wouldn’t go through with it again if she had it all to do over. She said, “I wouldn’t do it again…If I could go back, I wouldn’t have had them. It was a lot harder, then I was led on by my doctor. I didn’t know how excessive it really was.”

Still, she’s happy to report that the surgery didn’t go wrong or leave her with any scarring. She added, “It was a lot and I’m very thankful for how it turned out. It could have been disastrous.”

Attention hog. Attacking a man who is not here to defend himself…now that’s just wrong!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have been offered the chance at making a film, but not a sex tape of themselves — just yet anyways.

Vivid Entertainment has sent the famewhoring couple a letter, offering them the opportunity to direct an adult film, straight out of their wildest fantasies. It will be titled, Spencer and Heidi…Beyond Our Wildest Dreams. In addition to directing, the letter also states that if they want to hop into a scene, Vivid won’t stop them.

According to reports, Spencer is interested. Figures, right?

Heidi Montag and husband Spencer Pratt are feeling the pinch of the current economic crisis, after being irresponsible with a whole lot of money.

The couple have wasted a whopping $10 million, $35,000 a month on rent, $3 million for Heidi’s music career (buying songs for $40,000 a piece), renting studios, paying producers, spending cash on Heidi’s surgeries, cars and private jets. Now, they’re not asking for sympathy (because they wouldn’t get it), but they will be forced into bankruptcy.

Spencer said, “We were immature, worrying too much about the famous part instead of the actual business part. In hindsight, we shouldn’t have spent any of our money. We should have been low-key and saved. We spoke with a bankruptcy attorney and I’ve looked into unemployment checks.”

They went on to reveal that they had spent money from unaired episodes of The Hills, but were devastated financially when they didn’t receive payment for the episodes and were cut from the final season. (continue reading…)

Ugh. These two are just killing me. Aren’t Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s fifteen minutes up yet?

Shenanigan after shenanigan and we still bought into it. She even filed for divorce to take the ruse that much further. They went down “separately” to Costa Rica TOGETHER and we still bought it.

Like Twisted Sister said, We’re Not Gonna Take It anymore!

Have you had enough of these two losers and their con game?

It’s a slow news day, so I thought I would sate your need for ahem, news, by showing you Heidi Montag famewhoring it up in Costa Rica.

Perhaps she should have purchased a bikini tarp instead of top? Glad I kept this story in my back pocket for days like this. You can thank me later, even though I’m sure this was totally staged.

Spencer Pratt claims that he was busted for felony possession of a firearm. After all he’s lied about, I doubt he was arrested at all [Captain Obvious rears his ugly head]. He said he was processed at a local jail and after he signed a confession to the local DA.

I think Spencer and his hooker wife should stop lying for the cameras so they can get attention. His “arrest” is obviously a publicity stunt that he and his wife do all the time because they are egotistical morons with nothing else to do.

Spencer says, “As part of my spiritual cleansing I’ve spent the last week living alone in the jungle, reflecting on my past transgressions, and working to become a better person. I had to live off the land, and hunt to survive. As I departed the country this morning to continue my spiritual journey, I mistakenly brought my hunting weapons to the airport. It was an honest mistake, and they sent me on my way. On an unrelated note, I’m not allowed in the country anymore — but that’s because of the chicken incident.”

It’s all bullcrap. Everything he says has no value to anyone. EVER!!! And what is this chicken incident he speaks of?

Holy mother of God, if there is a God in Heaven (I know you hear me up there), then please pleaaaaaaaaaase let Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt keep their famewhoring selves right in Costa Rica where they belong.

It’s a perfect fit to the puzzle. They have faked a pregnancy, a marriage (it could’ve happened), faken an album release (unfortunately this really happened) and have faked a sex tape release. The only thing they’re missing is the reconciliation, the relocation and the procreation of little Costa Rican famewhores just like mommy and daddy.

TMZ has more:

Sources directly connected with Spencer tell TMZ … he wants to move to Costa Rica for two reasons — it’s a lot cheaper than L.A., and he would be closer to Heidi and possibly salvage his marriage.

Of course, reason #2 assumes Heidi is also moving to Costa Rica. So we checked with sources in direct contact with her, and they’re now telling us Heidi is indeed noodling on the idea of living in the Republica de Costa Rica.

So the question — Is this whole divorce thing a pile? Heidi’s friends are kinda hedging, saying she loves Spencer but doesn’t know how to deal with all the problems.

Please, lord MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Yours truly, the Earsucker writer. P.S. If you could possibly find it in your heart to also send them a hurricane, I’d totally owe you one.

Heidi Montag wants you to know that she is contemplative. Okay, not really. But she is using any and every opportunity possible to keep her name in the media. So why should her boobs be any different?

In what seemed like a bit of a PSA, Heidi dished some details on how to keep her breast implants soft. She tweeted, “Giving my self a soft tissue breast massage. Ladies, we have to keep those implants soft.”

Just who is she referring to? “Ladies” doesn’t exactly encompass too many of the people in Hollywood. This has me perplexed.