earsucker

This post should’ve been titled, “Laughing all the way to the bank”, because that’s exactly what is happening with former Playboy playmate Karissa Shannon and boyfriend Sam Jones III. After capitalizing on Heidi Montag’s “fame” and right off the coattails of her relationship with Hugh Hefner, Karissa is about to score big with Vivid Entertainment.

TMZ reports:

Hirsch tells TMZ he actually laid eyes on the tape which co-stars Karissa’s boyfriend, “Smallville” actor Sam Jones III. Hirsch says it was sent to him from “a reputable third party” and that he’d “love to be able to release it.”

The XXX footage in question sounds a lot like the sex tape Karissa claims Spencer Pratt stole from her house — which, as we first reported, she’s threatening to sue him over if he doesn’t return it.

Vivid’s chief isn’t divulging who dropped the tape in his lap, but does say he’s “very impressed with the quality and content” — which sounds like executive speak for … it’s smoking hot!

Will you be falling all over yourself to buy this video???

It doesn’t matter how much you think the Heidi Montag and Karissa Shannon sex tape doesn’t exist, because Karissa is doing something real about it’s existence. She has threatened legal action against Spencer Pratt if he doesn’t return the tape that doesn’t “feature him”.

TMZ reports:

Karissa’s lawyer fired off a letter to Spencer — claiming that he is in possession of footage that was “taken from [Karissa]” and “contains private materials” featuring herself and boyfriend Sam Jones.

Either that confirms the existence of the sex tape or she’s furthering the facade. You decide.

I hate to break it to you guys, but just because Karissa Shannon says she fooled around with Heidi Montag in a sex tape, doesn’t mean it actually exists.

Case in point: Heidi is in Costa Rica right now to have some time away from Spencer Pratt. Yet, he’s right there with her for their “dog exchange”.

Besides that, Vivid Entertainment head honcho Steven Hirsch has already called Spencer’s bluff and has asked to see at least 30 seconds of the tape before he makes the trip to Costa Rica to start negotiations.

Doesn’t Heidi look so surprised that the paparazzi are there snapping away? She’s trying that acting thing, I guess.

Even though Spencer Pratt has threatened to release “non-existent” sex tape footage of Heidi Montag, she has filed for divorce. And to think that might be the end of YEARS of famewhoring for the couple, it’s just not true.

It was their plan all along to fake their divorce, release a sex tape and then, of course, profit!

Brilliant. What can Kim Kardashian teach them next about how the game is played? Release sex tape, feign dismay, publicly ridicule the other person and then resort to reality television and magazine covers.

Since, Heidi has emailed Steven Hirsch that she wants to sit down and discuss this fictitious sex tape.

Ahh, Kim, a role model for young girls everywhere.

Now that Heidi Montag is recognizing the non-existent sex tape that she made with Spencer Pratt, she’s agreed to sit down with Vivid Entertainment head honcho Steven Hirsch. They will have a meeting in Costa Rica to hash out all of the details surrounding the tapes.

We all know how this goes:

1. Deny, deny, deny
2. Feigned embarrassment
3. Threaten to sue
4. Sign papers, release tape privately
5. Profit!

TMZ reports:

We’re told Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch when he arrives in Costa Rica to make an offer on the footage … some of which is said to contain girl-on-girl action with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.

We’re told Heidi wants Hirsch to provide her with the sales numbers on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape — which was also released through Vivid — because Heidi may be interested in working out a “back-end deal” if Steve can’t offer enough cash up front to satisfy Montag.

Is anyone surprised by this?

Now that those suckers have served their purpose in wrangling these tards roughly five million dollars, Heidi Montag wants to size down the boobs.

Heidi made headlines after she upgraded to a ginormous G-cup. Now, she wants those puppies downsized.

She said, “My boobs are crushing me. My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working so I stopped. It hurt either way. I’m desperate to go back to normal. I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.”

She went on to reveal that she can’t live normally now that she’s had all of that work done. She said, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

In addition to that, she’s also been wearing nose tape because she’s afraid that it’ll cave in. She explained, “I’m trying to keep the swelling down and hold my nose in place the way Dr. Ryan sculpted it. I don’t want my nose to fall off.

In addition, the blonde beauty has been wearing nose tape constantly since November because she is so worried it will cave in. I feel trapped in my own body. There’s just no fixing it. Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything.”

She went on to say that her surgeries, which were thought to be Spencer Pratt’s brilliant idea, had contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. She added, “No one wants to be taking care of his wife who looks like she’d been in a horrific accident. He begged me not to do it in the first place.”

According to douchebucket Spencer Pratt, not only does he have footage of a pre and post-op Heidi Montag, but he has footage of her lesbian romp with Playboy Playmate and ex-girlfriend to Hugh Hefner, Karissa Shannon.

Adding to the reports that she’s in on the tapes, Heidi and Spencer were spotted together in Costa Rica, even though their good friend Cougar Zank said she’s not in the vicinity. Friends will lie for friends, won’t they?

TMZ reports that Steven Hirsch is more interested in the tapes with Heidi and Spencer and not so much in the tape featuring Karissa. Weird, no?

Does anyone really want to see Spencer Pratt naked?

Spencer Pratt has his sights on making millions of dollars, starring in a sex tape with Heidi Montag. To entice the pervs, the resident jerkoff has said that he’s got some pre and post-op Heidi included in the footage.

A friend of the former couple’s, Cougar Zank, said, “Heidi’s really p—ed off. She denies there is a sex tape. She’s furious that Spencer would try and embarrass her like this.”

Spencer has tried shopping a tape to Steven Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment, but he has yet to see any proof that the tape exists.

We’re calling this a publicity stunt until photos or some other kind of proof surfaces.

Spencer Pratt is trying to sell his soon-to-be ex-wife, Heidi Montag’s sex tape for a whopping $5 million. I guess they really want to make back the money that Heidi gave to Dr. Frank Ryan on her ten surgeries that day.

Spencer is peddling the tape to Vivid Entertainment, whose head honcho, Steven Hirsch, says that five million dollars doesn’t sound unreasonable.

TMZ reports:

For his part, Spencer tells TMZ that he has an “entire website’s” worth of footage, saying, “I will knock Club Jenna out of the water.”

Spencer went on to say he thinks releasing the tapes will be good for Heidi, saying, “When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn’t on the cover of Allure.”

Do you want to see what Playboy wouldn’t show us?

Heidi Montag cares so much about the good doctor who took her face and morphed into the Godzilla-like force we see today. She took a whole five minutes and tweeted a message to Dr. Frank Ryan.

She said:

I am devastated to hear the news of Dr. Frank Ryan’s death. He was the most amazing person I have ever known. He was an angel and changed my life and the lives of everyone he met. He was the most brilliant talented surgeon who will ever exist. Dr. Frank Ryan changed the world. My thoughts and prayers go out to his mother, family, friends, and anyone who was ever blessed enough to meet him. He is in a better place.”

That seems like it was a hardship for her….but she does have to be grateful that she didn’t have to move her mouth to release that statement.

The “greatest domain name ever” is for sale! That’s what you’ll see when looking at this auction for the domain name HeidiAndSpencer.com. Even though the two have officially split up and are heading toward divorce, you can relieve the fun stupidity with this unique domain.

And it can all be yours, if you’ve got 21 million dollars laying around. What a deal!

The sale will end on August 11, 2010. At this time, there are no current bids. Come on, you guys, why pass up this great opportunity?!??

Despite rumors that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still together, she has just filed for divorce from him at a Santa Monica courthouse.

TMZ reports:

The move comes just 6 weeks after Heidi filed for separation … citing irreconcilable differences.

23-year-old Montag married 26-year-old Pratt in April 2009 — right before she underwent one of the most intense plastic surgery runs we’ve ever seen.

Think that’s the final nail in the coffin? Or is that for publicity too?

In news that surprises absolutely no one, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are reportedly still together.

Just like everything else with these two nitwits, the separation and divorce were all fake for publicity. A friend of Heidi’s, Lauren Stone, visited Heidi’s house….and lo and behold, Spencer was there, too. Who could’ve known that would’ve happened???

Lauren said, “I saw Spencer, he seems really normal. He actually showed us his new project he’s working on. He showed us a clip of the movie. I thought it was really funny. I think it’s about a lifeguard that’s trying to get girls. And the lifeguard is kinda like a douchebag type of guy not too cool.”

I was hoping that they would go away…but that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen anytime soon, does it?

Speidi is officially no more! At least that’s what Spencer Pratt wants us all to believe. According to him, they’ve split because he chose fame over wife Heidi Montag.

Even though absolutely no one believes that their divorce is real, he says otherwise. He said, “We love each other but I’m a famewhore and I’ll never grow out of it. Heidi knows that and doesn’t want that. I want every kind of press. She believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer.”

People magazine reports:

As for their infamous “Speidi,” moniker, Pratt says his estranged wife “doesn’t want to be Speidi anymore. She wants to be Heidi Montag: the sex symbol.”

“She thought I’d burn out of this, but no, I’m still the same Spencer who went on The Hills to be famous,” he says. “I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.”

Pratt, who mentions he and his ex are “friendly,” says Speidi trouble is nothing new. “It’s been a constant battle since we got married,” he says. “She would be like, ‘Are you really Tweeting that? Are you really doing that?’”

I hope it’s true and they fade off into oblivion, but we’ll never get that lucky, will we?

Spencer Pratt has been “ditched” by his wife Heidi Montag. Now he says he is homeless and has no place to go. On Twitter, he tweeted “Booking my room at Roosevelt Hotel Hollywood now that I have no place to live I think I should just move in there today stay near the action.”

This goontard deserves to be dumped simply because nobody likes him. Heidi tweeted “Swimming in my pool I love summer this is the first summer of my new life.” I’m not an expert on relationships, but I’m pretty sure that means she’s dumping him for good (just my personal opinion).

Good for him (even though I think he’s a turd burglar). What do you think?

Now that Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt, she is saying that she now regrets having ten surgeries in one day. More than just regret, she says that she feels stupid for getting so much work done.

Ahh, hindsight is always 20/20, right?

An inside snitch said, “She’s thinking about a plastic surgery make-under now that she’s separated from husband Spencer Pratt. He was the one who wanted her to get the work done. She knows she went too far, and she feels stupid.”

A make-under? Why not just stop with the trout pout and relax? It’s not cute.

Heidi Montag has just launched her new official website, thus marking today as the day we get to see the trailer trash version of Paris Hilton’s site…but I digress.

Heidi wrote this as her welcome post:

Welcome to my all new official website / blog. This is the first time to have my own blog, so I am super excited to be posting tons of blogs. I will be posting blogs on my site daily, so please your post comments for myself and other fans to view.

I am not about slapping ads over my blog to make a quick buck like most celeb site/blogs. I am only concerned with building a great official online community where my fans can interact without being bombarded with ads.

The photo above is a composite of things we found on Heidi’s website. Notice anything? The site is not showing any ads?? Except, maybe, for the crap she’s getting paid to annoy everyone with on Twitter.

She was following Earsucker on Twitter, that is, until we blocked her.

Because Heidi Montag’s first album worked out so well, she has decided to flop again go back into the studio for strike two!

The former reality star tweeted, “heading into the music studio recording my new single! Steve Morales my music producer moves into my house tomorrow to make my summer album!”

This leads me to believe that absolutely no one has bought the idea of her moving into a house with Jen Bunney for a craptastic new reality show. Please, someone, tell this woman that she can’t sing so 658 more people don’t have to suffer.

Heidi Montag namedropped teen singer Justin Bieber in order to garner more attention for herself. Now, her husband, Spencer Pratt, is following suit.

Lady Gaga told Rolling Stone magazine, “I want to be a legend! Is that wrong”? Now, Spencer feels he can help her out in her quest. He tweeted to Perez Hilton, “Help me film a sex tape with Lady Gaga then I will really be using her properly for press. All i need is 8 minutes or so… I say that because Gaga said she wanted to be a legend. Well Sex tape with me would be a way Gaga could be a legend overnight.”

Umm. In case he’s been living under a rock for the past two years, Lady Gaga is already a legend in the making. Doing anything with Spencer would just bring down her property value.

Heidi Montag’s hunger for fame knows no bounds. Since she has announced plans to divorce husband Spencer Pratt, she has failed to sell her “love story” with Spencer’s friend and security guard Cougar Zank. Now, she’s got her sights set on teen singer Justin Bieber.

Why not? It’s not like they’re going to actually get together, right? She’ll probably end up using him for all of the press she can get. That’s what we’ve come to expect from her and Spencer, so why should this be any different?

Despite her ever-changing appearance, Heidi is only 23, so she’s closer to his age than Kim Kardashian. But, again, there’s that thing about being illegal. That should stop her, right?

Heidi tweeted, “Now that I am getting divorced I think you and I should do a photo shoot together! Cutie ;)! I’m closer to your age.”

Ugh. Anything to keep her name in the headlines, right?

It appears that Speidi is no more!

According to CelebritySmack, Heidi Montag has split up with her ex-manager husband and all around douchebag, Spencer Pratt. She was said to have moved out of their shared home, where he’s currently staying, while she’s staying with friends.

A friend of hers said, “She was right, he is a selfish jerk.”

Another snitch close to the couple said, “She’s moving out of her house and away from Spencer.” Now that she’s had all of this surgery, she must think she’s going to become this huge movie star or something. Such delusions!

Update: Heidi and Spencer both have denied the rumors that they’ve split. They’ve said that they are working on their post-Hills lives.

Video fix: Kelis’ new video, Acapella – Popbytes

Tila Tequila is underdressed & bent over, because that’s how we all shop! – Amy Grindhouse

Britney Spears & Jason Trawick head to a hotel in Santa Monica – I Need My Fix

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt break up! – Celebrity Smack

Lindsay Lohan facing a 5150 hold? – Hollywood Dame

Whitney Port’s sexy photoshoot – Celebrity VIP Lounge

Katy Perry has NO standards when it comes to friends – Celebrity Hot Sauce

Carrie Prejean sued by PR firm – Daily Stab

Sandra Bullock has no plans to return home – Gossips Anonymous

Robert Pattinson doesn’t want Hugh Grant comparisons – The Star Celeb

Demi Lovato is headed to Grey’s Anatomy – Right Celebrity

Perez Hilton loves a circus, the freak – Poor Britney

The Bounty Hunter heads to Paris – Busy Bee Blogger

We need to save Anderson Cooper from the Scientologists! – Dipped In Cream

America Ferrara accomplishes goals – Celeb Dirty Laundry

Allstar Weekend performs Justin Bieber’s “Baby” – I Need My Fix

Dennis Hopper is near death – Hollywood Dame

Sarah Silverman thinks marriage is gross – Amy Grindhouse

Lindsay Lohan’s total wipeout – Celebrity Hot Sauce

Reggie Bush cheating rumors – Daily Stab

Donny Osmond is not a Lady Gaga fan – Gossips Anonymous

Britney Spears’ twitter hacker arrested – Poor Britney

Beck & friends to remake INXS’ “Kick” album? – Dipped In Cream

Heidi Montag is filming a 3-D boobs movie – The Star Celeb

Is Jesse James another Tiger? – Have U Heard