earsucker

Just when you thought it was bad enough that Snooki snagged herself a book deal, her Jersey Shore co-star, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has just revealed his new book cover art. Ugh.

The book is titled, Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore and is set for release on November 2, 2010.

Will you buy his book? Or do you already know how to avoid grenades? (Steer clear of war zones?!?)

According to reports, Snooki and Jenni Farley (J-Woww) were looking to MTV to give them their own reality show. It was said to be a dating show of sorts, and was supposed to feature some of the girls’ ex-boyfriends.

Now, we’ve learned that MTV only wanted Snooki alone for the supposed show, leaving J-Woww with nothing but the Jersey Shore crew.

An inside snitch said, “Execs think a show focusing on Snooki will be a bigger hit, so they pushed JWoww out.” However, a rep for MTV is confirming nothing, saying, “We can’t confirm any new Jersey Shore related programming at this time.”

Will you watch a show that features only Snooki?

South Park set their aim on the characters of Jersey Shore, more specifically, on Snooki, for last night’s episode.

The episode, titled, It’s A Jersey Thing, made fun of an animal-like smooshing Snooki. It was pure genius, how they portrayed her. She will smoosh anyone who gets in her way. And of course, she loves pickles.

The real Snooki said that she even enjoyed the episode, tweeting, “snooki want smoosh smoosh. im going to have nightmares tonight lmao!!! we’ve officially made it. goodnite my bitches ♥”

Check out a video clip, after the jump! (continue reading…)

This news makes me weep for all of the potential young writers out there who have something genuine to contribute, but will never get a chance because stupid short midget reality stars who use words like “guido” and “fist pump” are taking up all of the good opportunities to write about crap that no one cares about in order to secure more money than it costs to purchase a house in the lowest-income area of the ghettos that we’re all forced to live in because our jobs pay ten dollars an hour and we’re living paycheck to paycheck, making minor ducket in a dead end job, working for a boss who could give a crap less about how we feel about overtime and vacation pay and only wants to see productivity levels rise because that’s all his boss cares about, and you know what happens if he gets yelled at, that crap trickles downward to us minions who end up getting fired and living on the street because one little spreadsheet was missing a zero and now we’re homeless and begging for change on the corner, hoping that no one calls the cops on us for panhandling.

I blame Snooki.

Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has been offered $100,000 to appear in commercials for FleshDrive.

They sell USB drives that come pre-loaded with porn, in case you were wondering. A company spokesperson said, “We know that Snooki makes a big impression wherever she goes, and that is why her tiny figure and incredible attitude will fit perfectly within the FleshDrive world.”

Page Six reports:

According to the letter sent by FleshDrive, Polizzi’s deal is for three years, and she will have to shoot three commercials and appear at three events per year to promote the technology.

Should she do it? Sounds like easy money to me. But for three years and only $100,000. She would only have to walk five red carpets to make that kind of money and she could probably do that within a year’s time. What do you think?

This t-shirt is perfect for that “guido” in your life who wants to show off the abs ala The Situation from MTV’s Jersey Shore.

It features a handy ab window so that you can show off your six pack while trying to avoid grenades. But seriously, who wears this stuff???

What’ll these kids think up next?

So there are some people in this world who want to see Jeni Farley AKA JWoww take it all off for Playboy. Interesting.

The magazine has reportedly offered the Jersey Shore star a whopping $400,000 to pose in their magazine.

Radar Online reports:

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that there is a $400,000 offer from the mag for the Jersey Shore star to pose naked. We’ve also learned that the deal is not final and may face contractual obstacles from the reality TV show.

“Talks have been going on for a long time now and the highest offer she has received is $400,000,” revealed our source.

What do you think? Should she do it?

In guido heaven, this guy would be perfect. Jeff Miranda appears on the latest cover of ultra chic Steppin’ Out magazine with a special question for girlfriend Snooki. And no, it’s not “Honey, where’s the tanning lotion?”

He asked her to marry him. How cute! Can you imagine all of the little white midget wedding dresses she’ll be trying on in future episodes of Jersey Shore??!? Me either.

Moving on. Nothing to see here.

Jersey Shore star Snooki’s ex-boyfriend, Emilio Masella admits that he made a mistake while dating the famous pickle loving reality star. No, it wasn’t dating her in the first place. He says that he regrets not following in the footsteps of his mentor, Spencer Pratt, and making a Snooki sex tape. Gross.

Do we really need to see THIS without clothes on?

The world is unfair.

Jersey Shore star Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino may have something that ladies want to look at, but trust me, his rapping voice leaves a lot to be desired. After the jump, you can listen to The Situation Rap and yes – it is as awful as it sounds.

You’ve been warned! (continue reading…)

Britney Spears is keeping a low profile – Poor Britney

Jessica Alba is looking hideous – Amy Grindhouse

Jersey Shore Valentine’s Day cards! – Celebrity Smack

John Mayer hearts gay pr0n – Litely Salted

Where’s Tina Fey’s Scar & Glasses? – Dipped In Cream

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t like balls – I Need My Fix

Kendra Wilkinson really loves her hubby – Busy Bee Blogger

Sandra Bullock is getting a burning sensation, down there – Tragicomical

Just as quickly as we put the story up, does Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi deny the gossip and rumors surrounding her naked pics that were said to be up for sale.

She took to her official Twitter page to debunk the rumors that there are nude photos and a sex tape being shopped around.

She tweeted, “Idk where radar online comes up with their stories..weirdos.” The publication claimed that there was “nothing left to the imagination and even went as far as saying that they couldn’t describe one of the photos.

Snooki added, on Twitter, “Like i said before about my supposed ‘sex tape’…There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be. the tabloids just love snook gossip ;]”

And there you have it!

It wasn’t bad enough that JWoww took some nude photos, but now we’ve heard that Snooki also got naked in front of the camera.

RadarOnline reports:

The stills and video leave nothing to the imagination, as she is wearing only a smile. In one photo she is in her bedroom, on her knees, with one hand on the ground and the other holding the rail of the bed frame. She is looking at the camera with her head tilted slightly. Her spot-it-anywhere fingernail polish is plainly visible. Another shot is too graphic to describe.

Gross, gross and even more gross. Is there a market for this madness?

Update: I’ve heard that there’s video, too! Could your eyes handle that? Lulz.

Update #2: You pervs can view the photo here. You’re welcome.

According to The Smoking Gun, “Jersey Shore” Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino is seeking to trademark the famous name that he’s given to his abs.

TSG reports:

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) has received two applications to secure a mark for “The Situation,” a term recently popularized by “Jersey Shore,” the crass MTV reality show. One of the program’s characters is Michael Sorrentino, a 28-year-old New Jersey man who has christened his ripped abs “The Situation.” The gym habitue is known for exhortations like, “This situation is gonna be indescribable. You can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get into the situation.” A December 28 trademark application (for t-shirts and underwear) was filed by a Las Vegas firm that operates several porn web sites. That business, Naughty Limited, is operated by Sorrentino’s older brother Marc, according to incorporation records.

He may run into some trouble with the trademark, due to another person previously applying for the nickname. Where’s Snooki’s application?

Russell Brand was hanging out on the red carpet before the Grammys started last night, when he was approached by an Access Hollywood correspondent and “Jersey Shore” star, The Situation.

The trio talked about Russell’s chest hair, and GTO, which is code for “gel, tanning and outfit”. Afterward, Russell grabs his microphone and does nasty things with it.

Watch the funny clip after the jump! (continue reading…)

Media “mega star” JWoww might want to learn a lesson from this. Never take nude photos of yourself if you want to be a celebrity, because people come out of the woodwork to leak anything for the right price.

According to Radar Online, nude photos of the “Jersey Shore” cast member are being shopped around to several media outlets.

Radar reports:

There are at least three photos of Jwoww, RadarOnline.com has confirmed. In one photo, she is facing the camera, topless. It’s shot from the waist up and will certainly not disappoint her male fans.

A second photo shows Jwoww slightly turned, but with her back mainly toward the camera. She is wearing a skimpy wrap around her waist but that does not obscure the rear view! She’s also wearing boots.

The third photo is a full length topless frontal shot, where Jwoww is again wearing a small wrap around her waist and boots. The pics are shot with moody lighting against a brownish background.

Maybe it was a publicity stunt from the word “go”?

Conan O’Brien has been officially offered a spot on the next season of “Dancing With The Stars”.

He said, “This is real. I have been invited to compete on ‘Dancing With The Stars’. There are so many jobs to choose from. I don’t know which one to do. I thought, why not let the viewers decided. Go to TonightShow.com and register your vote. My future is literally in your hands.”

According to E-Online:

But on a somewhat serious note, he said, “Of course, this has been a stunning couple of days for me, I have to tell you. It is a bit hard to accept that soon I won’t have a show, but Snookie and The Situation [of MTV's 'Jersey Shore'] will. Only in America.”

Team Coco. Do you think he should compete on DWTS? Wanna see Coco bust a move?