earsucker

Kendall Jenner is only fifteen-years-old and she’s already on birth control pills. Oh the drama!

Promo videos for the newest season of their E! reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians shows her father, Bruce Jenner, getting miffed at the discovery.

Apparently, it’s not what you think. We were just happy to hear that the Kardashians actually knew how to take steps to prevent procreation…but we’re going to take it easy on Kendall, she is only a teenager, after all. And you really can’t choose who your family is, can you?

The new season of the show premieres on June 12th on E!. Khloe, Kourtney and Kris sat down for a recent interview and tried to explain a bit about the drama that’s about to unfold on the show.

Khloe started, “She is on birth control, but…” Kourtney cut her off, saying, “You can let her answer it”, motioning toward their famous momager. Khloe said, “But I’m the one who has all the talks with her.”

Kris chimed in, “No comment, no comment. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Khloe added, “But I don’t want it to be bad. Because it’s not that reason why she’s on birth control.”

And before anyone starts bashing us about reporting on the status of this teenager’s sexual health/reproductive organs, just know this: They put EVERYTHING out there on television and leave NOTHING to the imagination whatsoever. We’re talking about this non-event because they want us to. I see what you did there, Kris.

In Touch Weekly just revealed their latest magazine cover, showing the Kardashian sisters. Apparently Kim, Kourtney and Khloe are all tormented by their bodies.

This cover is absolutely hilarious. Their caption says that Kourtney is being pressured to get Botox, while Khloe has put her baby plans on hold to have liposuction done due to her mother Kris calling her “fat.” And of course, they don’t leave out Kim, who they say has agreed to super-size her butt implants to stay famous.

It’s official, In Touch is all out of ideas…but we’re still inclined to believe that the one about Kim might actually be true. Can she just roll up to the plastic surgeon’s office and tell them to super-size that sucker like a Biggie order of french fries?? Or has she already done that? The jury is still out.

In Touch has also allocated a few pixels to Bristol Palin’s new face, which looks creepy. She’s already telling tall tales about having the “medically necessary” surgery to correct her jaw. Still, she’s got that joker face thing going on, don’t you think?

Related: Kris Humphries to join the Kardashians’ sixth season!

These are words that I never thought I would utter. Yes, for once in my life, I have to say that I agree with Kim Kardashian. Who knew this day would ever come?? Surely, I didn’t. How should I celebrate bask in my depression?

Surely you’ve heard the news that One Life To Live and All My Children have been sent to soap opera heaven, but Kim said the best possible explanation for their demise.

In a new interview with PopEater, the big butted Kardashian sister said, “Well, Kourtney was just recently on ['One Life to Live'], so I think she killed the entire 30-year brand.”

And the Nobel Prize goes to Kim Kardashian. Umm, no…but she could quite possibly be right.

Reality star Patrick Bateman Scott Disick recently bought his girlfriend and baby’s mother, Kourtney Kardashian, an engagement ring!

On the season finale of Kourtney And Kim Take New York, which airs on April 3rd, Scott enlists Kim to help him carry out his plans. Reportedly, Scott takes Kourtney out for a romantic dinner and starts to talk about their future as a couple. Then….(drum roll) he pops the question.

Apparently, he and Kourtney aren’t on the same page, because she doesn’t say yes! What?!??

She said, “Things are so good now. We’ve finally come to this place. Why would we want to change that?”

What this should really say is that Kourtney Kardashian wants press over something to do with “boobs”, so her name makes headlines. Kim’s keyword for press? BUTT.

Kourtney admits that she regrets getting a boob job and says that once she has stopped breast feeding her son Mason, she’ll consider having them removed. Or….she could use the Kardashian method of getting media attention and just continue talking about it for ages.

She said, “I had my boobs done but if I could go back, I wouldn’t have done it I was so cute before. I’ve realized that I was made to look a certain way and I’m considering removing them.”

She went on to reveal, “I’m breast feeding Mason right now but once I’ve finished, I’m going to see what they look like and decide then.”

Why remove your money makers? It’s not like these chicks have any discernible talent!

Life&Style magazine wants us to believe now that Khloe Kardashian has tied the knot, they’re covering their Kardashian quota by going for the remaining Kardashian sisters!

Apparently, Kim and Kourtney are gearing up to tie the knot, that is, if this cover is anything to be believed. I’m seriously surprised that they didn’t go for the “Baby” cover for the two sisters.

Like, “OMG Pregnant Sisters!” — See, we’re giving them ideas!

And the cover says, “Why Kourtney said yes to Scott” — we know why, it’s because of a reality spinoff show. The funny thing is that they’re already planning to marry Kim off to her boyfriend, Kris Humphries. They must have really taken that baby tweet seriously!

What do you think?

Say it isn’t so! No, really….please say that this isn’t really happening!

According to reports, Kourtney Kardashian and her husband Scott Disick are gearing up for their own spin-off reality show for E!

Sources have revealed that the new show will revolve around the couple’s plans to get married, which have been kept top secret. A snitch said, “The last episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York is Scott proposing. Then just like sister Khloe and Lamar, Kourtney and Scott will not only get their own show but also a wedding. It’s going to be TV gold. What is going to make this new show a monster it is that Scott and Kourtney are actually happier than ever. Heading toward the altar is the next step for them with or without the cameras.”

But can’t they do just this one thing without the cameras?!?? We’re asking nicely here. That is, unless Scott wants to star as Patrick Bateman, because that is the only way anything involving him invading our televisions would be considered acceptable.

This week’s In Touch Weekly features Kim Kardashian on the front cover, along with her sister’s boyfriend, Scott Disick. The cover reveals, “Scott Confesses I’m In Love With Kim”.

This apparently has tickled Kim’s funny bone, because she took to Twitter to talk about it. She tweeted, “OMG @ScottDisick I had no idea u felt this way! @KourtneyKardash we need to talk!”

Ha! She should know that the only person Scott is in love with is himself! Just kidding — He loves his pink sweaters!

What did you think of the cover???

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian showed up at Pacha on Tuesday night to promote the launch of their new credit card, the MasterKard (photos and details here). Reportedly, the girls only stayed less than an hour and had to be talked into coming back. Now, the club bosses are upset, because the sisters were contracted to stay for an entire three hours. They were paid $25,000 for their appearances.

A source said, “They stayed for just 45 minutes then left. The organizers were furious and were calling them demanding they come back. They did come back, but only stayed for another hour.”

A rep for the club said, “We are extremely disappointed. They did not fill out their contractual obligations to be there for three hours. We also paid Khloe’s travel fees. We would like a refund.”

A rep for the Kardashians said, “The girls did all the press and meet-and-greets they were obligated to do. There was a miscommunication between the club and MasterCard that was not relayed to us, and so we went back.”

So, let us get this straight. The three of them earned $25,000 in one night and all they had to do was show up, smile for the cameras and stay for three hours — and didn’t even do that?!?? There is seriously something wrong with this planet.

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian were in New York City last night, filming their new show, Kim & Kourtney Take New York, when Kim was attacked by a jealous woman.

Apparently this woman’s boyfriend requested a photo with the reality star, but his girlfriend was having none of it.

TMZ reports:

The Kardashian clan was at Juliet last night, when a male fan asked for a pic with Kim. His girlfriend flew off the handle and threw a drink at Kim.

Scott Disick and Khloe jumped into the fracas and in the scuffle, Khloe’s ring flew off and skidded across the floor. Our spies inside the club say Khloe literally dove across the floor to retrieve it … which she eventually did.

Was it staged for the show?

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian got Photoshopped to smithereens for their new ad for Beach Bunny Swimwear. Their collective mentality must be, “Who cares if we really look that good, there’s always the magic of ‘shopping!”

Don’t forget, Khloe is actually way taller than the other girls and Kourtney just had a baby. And Kim still resembles the alien
that she always has.

These broads will slap their names on anything. To prove it, someone should offer them a job representing Preparation H. I bet they’d pimp it out on their Twitter accounts and everything. That would actually be another excuse for Kim to show off her ginormous booty.

Kingston’s hair & outfit is much cooler than you (it’s true) – Amy Grindhouse

Sucked on a lemon recently? – Celebrity Smack

President Bill Clinton hospitalized – I Need My Fix

Britney Spears in a toxic relationship? – Poor Britney

Yasmine Bleeth’s ‘Got Milk’ ad – Busy Bee Blogger

RIP Alexander McQueen – Dipped In Cream

Ewan McGregor cheating? – Hollywood Dame

Kourtney Kardashian is a moron – Tragicomical

Kourtney Kardashian’s son makes his radio debut – Amy Grindhouse

Not Captain Phil! – Hollywood Dame

Actor Justin Mentell, dead at 27 – Dipped In Cream

New leaked Britney Spears photo – Poor Britney

Finally! Michael Jackson’s doctor to be charged! – Celeb Dirty Laundry

Reese Witherspoon is out & about – I Need My Fix

Jeff Bridges’ still from “Tron Legacy” – Busy Bee Blogger

Kellan Lutz looking hot on the red carpet – Ten Gossip

Gerard Butler & Reese Witherspoon hook up? – Allie Is Wired