earsucker

The latest issue of Life & Style magazine claims that Russell Brand has already moved on from estranged wife Katy Perry. They were married in October 2010 and he filed for divorce in December 2011, so isn’t it reasonable to assume that that Russell waited long enough? Remember, he’s had a track record of being a bit of a womanizer…so two months to him is like an entire year to normal folks.

Apparently the guys at Life & Style have been following Rusty around and have seen him with a woman. The tabloid reveals that 25-year-old model Oriela Medellin Amieiro was already seen leaving Russell’s house in Los Angeles.

An eyewitness said, “It was about 9:30 in the morning, and I saw them getting into a Range Rover. She’d obviously stayed over at his house because she was in evening clothes and high heels. She threw her head back and laughed – it looked like she was having a good time.”

Now, a friend of the former couple says that Katy is wondering if Russell was the “changed man” that he claimed to be when they tied the knot. She confessed to a friend, “I’m such a fool. I believed in him.”

In addition, the magazine’s source claims that Russell is a chick magnet wherever he goes. Seriously? A source said, “Russell is very flirty with the ladies. He gets a lot of phone numbers – the women just hand over their numbers and he takes them.”

The pal added, “It’s very disturbing to Katy that he’s moved on so quickly. She was shocked to hear that he was out partying again and trying to pick up girls. It sickens her – she feels humiliated and burned.”

This is the same woman who basically wears cupcakes on her boobs and has blue hair…We doubt that was the first time she felt humiliated.

Kris Humphries is moving forward with his plans to take estranged wife Kim Kardashian to court. He really wants to prove that their marriage was a sham so that he can get their prenuptial agreement invalidated.

She filed for divorce on Halloween claiming irreconcilable differences, but Kris retaliated with his own filing, citing fraud. Was Kris frauded? The world likely thinks so.

According to the latest issue of Life & Style magazine, Kris is petitioning to have his Minnesota attorney be allowed to practice in California. When they go to court, any non-disclosure agreements are void during any testimony given. An insider said, “When you’re requested to answer under oath, it’s a legal obligation. If he’s asked certain questions, he’ll be compelled to answer.”

Kris has also filed suit against his former mother-in-law, Kris Jenner, citing breach of fiduciary duty. He feels that she gave Kim special treatment when she was supposed to be getting them deals as a couple. The insider said, “When you have two clients, they’re supposed to be treated equally. It was a conflict of interest.”

Life & Style magazine has reality TV star Kourtney Kardashian and her boneheaded husband, Scott Disick, on their latest cover. According to the tabloid, Kourtney is pregnant with her second child AND abandoned. That’s because no one is allowed to be happy with their significant others in La La land, right? For the record, we really do think Scott is a bonehead and we haven’t even watched any of them utter one syllable on their stupid show.

The magazine reports that Kourtney hasn’t given it up to Scott in four months, so he was caught with four other women. So, obviously in retaliation, the Kardashian machine has decided to cut off his cash supply. But that’s okay, he’s still got that QuickTrim crap, right?

So is Scott really running around on Kourtney? Probably not, but it makes for good magazine sales, right Life & Style?

A source revealed, “Scott drank cocktails and watched as girls flung themselves over the velvet ropes. It’s clear girls are interested in him. He was overheard talking about taking a lap around the club to scope out female revelers.”

Also of note, Scott is said to have a bachelor pad that he rolls out to when he feels the need to escape. The source said, “When Scott wants to get away he escapes to his own little bachelor pad on the Upper East Side. He’s had it forever and doesn’t plan to get rid of it. It’s definitely not suitable for family living, though – it’s a tiny little apartment.”

Another snitch said that since Kourtney has gotten pregnant, she’s not having sex with Scott. The insider said, “Scott says that as soon as Kourtney got pregnant, she stopped having sex with him. He jokes that it’s like he’s a stallion and she just uses him to get pregnant. He laughs about it, but you can tell that he’s starting to get really bummed.”

Apparently Life & Style magazine really wants people to feel sorry for reality television star Kim Kardashian. Kim is featured front and center on the latest issue of the tabloid with the headline, “I am so alone”. Kinda makes you think she has a heart, doesn’t it? Don’t be fooled! The last time we got fooled by this twit, she got married to Kris Humphries on TV for millions and then turned around and divorced him after only 72 days. We aren’t sympathetic, Kim.

Also of note is that Kim has Google Alerts set to her name, so there’s a good chance that she’s reading this right now and calling us a bunch of haters. According to the magazine, Kim is “undateable, losing millions, gained 15 pounds and has no friends.”

Before you join the pity party, just know that Kim has likely signed off on that story to take the focus off of her high profile wedding sham so that the public will feel sorry for her. We’re onto you, Kim.

Is Kim Kardashian really headed for a breakdown? Do you care? Sound off in the comments!

It’s a modern day romance that is enough to make all women with a pulse jealous. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are hooking up, he’s taking her on romantic outings and all that cute stuff that you’ve seen in movies. Likely his movies. Hello — The Notebook?

They starred together in the filming of The Place Beyond The Pines and afterward, they hooked up and have gotten serious FAST. A friend of Ryan’s said, “Ryan is obsessed – he wants to see Eva all the time. I don’t know what it is about her, but he’s into Eva hook, line and sinker!”

In the latest issue of Life & Style magazine, they discuss the happy couple’s relationship and all of their make out sessions. To that, we say “pics or it didn’t happen!”

An extra on the set of Pines, Nicole Sykes, said, “Even when the cameras weren’t rolling, they were really affectionate with each other. Eva was kissing Ryan’s head and cuddling with him while they sat on the ground. You could tell that she really liked him.”

Ryan’s pals said, “Eva’s wildly passionate and impulsive. He thinks of her as the female version of himself. Ryan’s family is worried; Eva’s so LA. She’s so into the business and not a super-warm person.”

But will they get married? That’s been the question on everyone’s minds since they’ve gotten together. She has previously said, “I don’t believe in the institution of marriage.”

Photo Credit: Life & Style Magazine

According to the latest issue of Life & Style magazine, pop princess Britney Spears and her fiancee Jason Trawick are planning not only for a wedding — but also a baby!

They go into details about the $92,000 engagement ring that he splurged on for her. A friend of Jason’s said, “Jason helped design a 4-carat round-cut diamond and platinum ring that has diamonds all around the band. It’s gorgeous!”

The friend revealed, “He looked for a while for the perfect ring and chose it all by himself. By now he knows what Britney likes. Jason’s never been engaged before, so he’s really, really excited. He’s thrilled that Britney will be his wife. They’re both happy. They’ve come a long way.”

According to the issue’s cover, she’s now hoping for a baby girl!

Also featured in this issue is Tom Cruise’s “new face”. Did he go under the knife? Or did he just find the fountain of youth?

Also, Kim Kardashian famewhores her divorce for the gazillionth time in a tabloid, talking about how she has changed since filing for divorce. Ugh.

Last but not least, they also detail little Mason Disick’s lavish second birthday. Why spend a ton of money on something that he’s not going to remember?!?

What do you think?

According to the latest issue of Life & Style magazine, Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband, Kris Humphries, is going to write a tell-all book!

Apparently now that Kris has realized that Kim has basically used him as her puppet for that craptastic reality show, he’s going to get his own revenge. Last week’s issue of the magazine stated that Kim had already gone back to her ex, Reggie Bush, who was seemingly waiting in the wings for her.

Now, Kris wants his own revenge? I’m not buying it. Firstly, he signed an ironclad confidentiality agreement, which was a part of his prenup. While we all want to know how fake his wedding to Kim was, I’m sure that he’s not going to risk getting sued by Kim to tell us all about it.

The magazine also reports why Kris stopped sleeping with Kim. Perhaps it was because her ginormous booty kept getting in the way? Ha. They also say that Kim’s makeup routine takes six hours. SIX HOURS! I don’t doubt it. She probably has a wrecking crew to take that crap off of her face on a nightly basis.

Also in this issue, the truth about her boobs and butt! THEY’RE FAKE — Saved you $3.00, please put the check in the mail to Earsucker’s headquarters, we’ll spend it on beer. Hey, at least we’re honest.

Photo Credit: Life & Style

Kim Kardashian only filed for divorce on October 31, 2011, from her husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries. Now that the divorce wounds (FAKE, FAKE, FAKE!) are no longer fresh, she has resorted to going back to her former boyfriend, Reggie Bush!

According to the latest issue of Life & Style, Reggie has been a rock for Kim, in her time of need. A friend of the Kardashian family said, “Reggie reached out to Kim via text shortly after she announced she was filing for divorce to make sure she was okay. They’ve stayed in touch ever since, texting and talking. Kim was Reggie’s first love. He knows she’s hurting right now, but when the time is right, he’ll swoop in and take care of her.”

The spy went on to reveal, “He’s concerned about her; he’s making sure she’s holding it together. Reggie always knew that it wasn’t going to work, so he’s been waiting and watching.”

He probably only knew that it wasn’t going to work because Kim told him that their whole marriage was faked from the start. We all kind of figured it was this huge publicity stunt for money and ratings. We only have Ryan Seacrest and E! to blame for their popularity.

Photo Credit: Life & Style Magazine

Angelina Jolie is featured on the newest issue of Life & Style magazine, with the headline that she’s “desperate to be skinny”. Okay, really?!? She’s already thin and has been thin for all of her life, why would she be desperate to get even thinner?

Reportedly, she has been surviving on just 600 calories per day, in an effort to stay as thin as she is. They even go as far as saying that her partner, Brad Pitt, has been begging her frail self to stop starving herself. Really?!?

She’s thin because she can afford to hire chefs to cook for her and her rainbow nation of children. If she puts on weight, she can afford to get a personal trainer or have surgery to have the excess weight removed. We’re guessing that she’s just naturally a super thin person.

Either way, she looks good.

Also featured in this issue, they’re going inside Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s love nest. In addition to that, Kim Kardashian is alone for the holidays. OF HER OWN DOING. DUH. She divorced HIM, not the other way around. Or were we really supposed to believe that he’s gay? We’re confused.

Are you buying this?

Holy crap, this is seriously getting to be Kim Kardashian mania today with all of the magazine covers taking on Kim’s divorce from Kris Humphries!

Don’t let her lie to you, though. You know she’s in Australia, looking on all of this going CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! Did she sit down with all of the tabloids and sprinkle quotes to them? Or are they all just taking bits and pieces from her official website statement?

I guess Kris wants the ring back?!? What kind of douchebucket asks for the ring back after you’re already married? She’s probably going to sell that and use the proceeds to put with the money that she’s already got saved up, in order to purchase the rights back for her sex tape.

And Reggie Bush wants to get back together? Color me surprised…umm NOT REALLY. You see, we’re still of the mind that her marriage to Kris was a sham for the cameras and she was still hooking up with Reggie all of this time. He probably said that he wouldn’t get back together with her until her sex tape is off the market.

Just a guess, though. What do you think?

Poor Jennifer Aniston, she really can’t just live her life and be happy without the tabloids writing all kinds of crazy crap about her. This week, Life & Style has decided to make Jennifer pregnant with twins! She must be so elated!

Her relationship with her boyfriend, Justin Theroux, has been taken to the next level after they moved in together. So instead of giving them adequate time to adjust to living together in their new situation, they’re going to be proud parents! Oh the joy.

Also featured in this issue, are the wedding photos that Kim Kardashian has pimped out to every print publication from here to Egypt. Seriously, if I see that headpiece one more time, I’m going off someone…perferably with the last name Kardashian.

Taylor Armstrong also gets a tiny sidebar item about her husband’s suicide. Because that’s totally not as important as Jennifer giving birth to fake babies, right?

Also in this issue, is some kind of Bachelorette baby exclusive. Life & Style giveth babies aplenty, folks. Did you get yours in the mail?