earsucker

Video here

Spoken:
Dee de dee, doesn’t mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there, you’re gonna find this song hilarious, and you don’t even know…it’s about you.

[Verse 1]
You dropped out of school cause you’re smarter than everybody
I got three words for you dumbass, “Ding, fries ready”
You try to outrun a bull, but nobody’s that fast
That’s how you end up, with a horn stuck up your ass
Roethlisberger needs no helmet cause he’s a star
But the year the bus left, he got hit by a car
You wanna go huntin’ for quail someplace
Don’t go with Cheney, he’ll put a fuckin shot in your face
If you bungee jump so you can fly through the air
I ain’t upset you ended up in that wheelchair
You ignore all the warnings, yeah you light up a smoke
Now you have to talk with a machine through your throat

[Chorus]
How many idiots can there be?
Some say that it’s 1 out of 3
If you don’t know then take it from me
You’re the dee dee dee

(spoken) you you you
dee dee dee

And if you are a Dee
Please don’t marry a Dee
Cause then your kids will be (what? what?)
Dee dee dee

(spoken) dee dee dee

[Verse 2]
You cry about the price of gas and war in Iraq
But you voted Bush in twice what were you smokin, crack?
Didn’t get a prenup, though you knew she was a skank
Now you’ve got herpes and she’s got half your bank
You were on top of the world with “Hit Me Baby One More Time”
Only a stupid bitch would marry Kevin Federline
You drink and drive and you think it’s okay
Now you’re cell mate’s weavin in and out the “hershey highway”
When you put tigers on your show and they can’t be free
They’ll bite your neck off and then you’ll say (chokingly) “dee dee dee” (cough)

[Chorus]
How many idiots can there be?
Some say that it’s 1 out of 3
If you don’t know then take it from me
You’re the dee dee dee

(spoken) you you you
Eee dee dee

And if you are a Dee
Please don’t marry a Dee
It’s genetics don’t you see?
Your kids will be dee dee dee

(spoken)
That’s what they’re gonna be: DEE DEE DEE!!!

[Verse 3]
Parents are to blame for all these dee dee dee’s
Letting their kids drop out and not get GED’s
You keep your kids inside cause there’s freaks on the loose
But yet you let them drink from Michael Jackson’s “Jesus Juice”?
You don’t care when your kids come home with D’s from class
What you need to do is get some balls and beat that ass
He isn’t stupid, you say he’s got A.D.D.
It’s that his mom and his dad are both dee dee dee!

[Bridge]
This test is too hard! (So they lower the standards)
I’m not good at sports! (So they give them all trophies)
My dad used to spank me (So they lower the standards)
I’m too fat for this seat (So they widen the standards)
They say no cause I’m black (So they lower the standards)
They say no cause I’m white (So they lower the standards)
They say no cause I’m Asian (So they lower the standards)
No habla Englais (So we all become Spaniards)
And you wake up one day and you don’t have the skills
To get a better job so you’re stuck on the grill
You’re wondering why Julio took your job
But you forget to see, you’re as dumb as a knob
Your ass is too fat to get out of the house
While you’re eating more food trying to figure it out
So they outsource your job to some guy named Habib
Cause he works harder than you and he’s got 5 degrees
And you’re asking yourself how could this happen to me
I’ll tell you why, homie! Cause you’re….dee dee dee

Dee dee dee
Dee dee dee
(Hat tip to Midnyte & Halog33k)

For your viewing pleasure:

Metal By Numbers
Music by Scott Ian
Lyrics by Brian Posehn

VERSE 1:
They’ve killed METAL twice, but it will never really die!
It’s kind of like a zombie or even that Jesus guy…

So grab your friends, some instruments and start a metal band
Just sing about death, Egypt and wizards or rip off Ayn Rand

We’re coming to the end of the first verse…
Then comes the breakdown, a pretty chorus and then the second verse.

I know I just rhymed verse with verse
That’s because I’m sooo METAL, bitch, where’s your fucking purse?

PRE-CHORUS(BREAKDOWN):

BREAKDOWN!!! In this part it sounds like the singer wants to fight…
BREAKDOWN!!! Don’t be scared, the chorus will make it all alright

CHORUS:

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
THIS IS THE GAY PART, with melody
Even a baby could do it, just give it a try
Just sound like Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die

SECOND VERSE:

I have to change my voice to make me sound (gang) MAD!
If I tried to sing clean it would make your ears (gang) SAD!

This is the (gang) GANG VOCAL and I’ll tell you the (gang) TRUTH!
It’s four sweaty dudes yelling in a (gang) BOOTH!

Music really sucks now Posers and trendy FOOLS
But compared to Coldplay and Nelly, EVEN SHITTY METAL RULES!
It’s metal by numbers, it’s not arithmetic
John Mayer, Kelly Clarkson…they all can suck my PENIS!

PRE-CHORUS(BREAKDOWN):

BREAKDOWN!!! In this part it sounds like the singer wants to fight…
BREAKDOWN!!! Don’t be scared, the chorus will make it all alright

CHORUS:

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
THIS IS THE GAY PART, with melody
Even a monkey could do it, just give it a try
Copy Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die

MOSH PART:
(BUILD UP)
Here it comes! C’mon! All Right!
ARE YOU ALMOST READY??
Dammit! I missed it!

(SPOKEN) This is the mosh part! MOSH!!!
Or don’t. It’s your call. I just stand in the back and try not to get hit. Watch out for the shirtless white trash guys. They’ll punch you and they stink. And look out for the screamo kids practicing their karate kicks. Dude, you look gaytarded. Oh no. Here comes a giant Mexican – he looks really pissed. I wish everybody would put their shirts back on, it’s kind of gross. Is this part still going? Here comes the lead break…Oh, not yet. Here it comes… here it comes. GO!

SOLO(Jon Donais)

CHORUS:

Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
Follow these rules and you will see
Cookie monster vocals or yell like a wookie
Metal by numbers, COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE!
Metal by numbers, 1, 2, 3
THIS IS THE GAY PART, with melody
Even a retard could do it, JUST GIVE IT A TRY!
Steal from Maiden or Metallica or Every Time I Die

Verdict: Absolutely hilarious.