earsucker

Sarah Palin’s son Track is divorcing his wife Britta Hanson after only being married for 18 months. And they say that gay people are destroying the sanctity of marriage?!? Ugh.

The duo walked down the aisle together in May 2011, but they have since filed joint divorce papers in a court in Alaska. “Us Magazine” reports:

In accordance with state law, their joint filing confirms they agree to property and custody terms as well as child support for their 1-year-old daughter, Kyla.

The Palin family’s oldest son married nursing student Hanson in Hatcher Pass, Alaska, with both sets of parents present at their ceremony. “Our families couldn’t be happier!” the Palin and Hanson families told Us Weekly in a joint statement at the time. “These are two hard working, humble, active, studious young adults who grew up together. We’re tickled that after two decades of friendship we proudly witnessed their marriage, knowing their new life together will be blessed.”

It just goes to show you that shotgun marriages are never a good idea. We kid, we kid.

Now that Mama Grizzly only seemingly wants to be famous instead of being involved in politics, she’s throwing herself into writing a fitness book. In addition, this time she is actually practicing what she preaches.

The former Governor of Alaska showed off a new slimmer physique while leaving a K-Mart recently. She’s noticeably thinner and she’s looking to start peddling her fitness regime. Oh yay. She’s going to Kardashian us into hating her entire family. “People” magazine reports:

In an email to PEOPLE on Tuesday, Palin – who’s known to treat houseguests to a smorgasbord of homemade treats such as moose chili, chocolate cream pies, pecan pies and lemon meringue pies – wrote, “Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”

Palin, 48, says she will discuss the topics in “our unique and motivating book.”

“We promise you what we do works and allows a fulfilling quality of life and sustenance anyone can enjoy,” she adds.

We’re not sure if Sarah has already secured a contract or if she plans to start shopping around once her book is complete. Does her new look make you want to purchase her book? Or are you just happy that she’s completely staying out of politics?

While we may not get the appeal of the former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, British comedian Russell Brand can sum it up quite nicely. Sarah came into the spotlight after being chosen for the Vice Presidency on the Republican ticket in 2008. Luckily, John McCain failed and the quitter from Alaska was never sworn in.

Basically, she quit her job as Governor, likely because she learned that her newfound fame would rake in the dough as opposed to being involved in politics. Now, Russell is explaining the draw for most people to this “lipstick on a pitbull” trainwreck. Thank heavens for comedians, right?

While promoting his talk show “Brand X” at the Television Critics Association on Saturday, he broke it down for all of us who were not previously “in the know”. He said, “People want to f*ck her. That’s why they tolerate the other stuff.”

Pretty handily summed up, no? Do you get the appeal of Sarah or any other member of her family?

After 15 years, JonBenet Ramsey’s father John is telling his own side of the story — all in the new issue of Globe magazine.

JonBenet was murdered on December 25, 1996 in her home in Boulder, Colorado. Her body was found in the basement of the family’s home after eight hours of being missing. She was struck on her head and then strangled.

Her parents were initially suspected in her untimely passing, along with her brother. Her parents were cleared in her death in July of 2008. In light of the exonerating evidence, the Boulder County District Attorney issued the Ramseys an apology letter.

Now, the tabloid has the truth about the night that the pageant queen was slain. In addition, they cover why John blames himself for his daughter’s death. They also cover who John thinks is at fault for the murder of JonBenet.

In addition to the JonBenet feature, the magazine claims that Sarah Palin is at war with Tom Hanks — apparently he claimed in a movie that she is “stupid and unstable”.

The magazine also claims that Sherri Shepherd was caught cheating in the new season of Dancing With The Stars. Did she take more time than everyone else received in practicing for her dance routine for Monday night’s premiere?

What do you think of the latest cover of Globe? Are you going to run out and buy it to learn what John Ramsey has to say about his daughter’s gruesome murder?

Levi Johnston recently released his tell-all book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs and revealed that looking back, he thought that Sarah Palin had a bit of a crush on him. Talk about awkward!

He said, “Even growing up my friends would always say that [Palin would flirt with him], it seems kind of weird. Then one of my publishers said she had a cougar crush on me!”

Ewww…that had to be creepy!

He said, “I guess I’d say, ‘Yeah, I think she did.’ Now looking back and remembering what everyone said. She never touched me or anything like that! Now it kind of weirds me out thinking about it.”

He also revealed that his son, Tripp, with Bristol Palin wasn’t an accident and that she wanted a baby after her mother had her son, Trig.

He said, “Bristol wanted to have a baby. It all happened on purpose. I wasn’t tricked into it. I kind of went with it.”

Madness!

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Bristol Palin’s ex-boyfriend, Levi Johnston has just written a book, in which he claims that her pregnancy was actually Bristol’s idea!

He revealed that Bristol felt slighted by her mother, Sarah Palin’s pregnancy that she wanted to one-up her mother and get pregnant herself.

Levi said that in March 2008, Bristol told him, “Let’s get pregnant”, because she wanted to be the next Palin mama grizzly.

He admitted to having “been too dumb” to use a condom with Bristol, and said that he knew “what she wanted” was to get pregnant by him.

Radar Online has more:

Sarah Palin thought Bristol and Levi were playing a joke on her when they first told her about their pregnancy, according to Johnston in the book.

He also revealed that Sarah even tried to make them put the baby up for adoption, but that was an idea that they both rejected. He said that Sarah wanted their son, Tripp, to call her “mommy” instead of “grandma”.

During an appearance on The Tonight Show, Bristol commented on Levi’s forthcoming book, saying that he’s “gonna have to find a screenwriter or something to come up with more obnoxious lies, so I’m not worried about it.”

The book is titled, Deer In The Headlights: My Life In Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. It hits the store shelves on September 20, 2011.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Bristol Palin is in trouble with her mother, Sarah!

According to new reports, Bristol got her butt chewed out from her mother after she got a tattoo of the letter “T”. What?!?

A source said, “Sarah really laid into Bristol, saying enough is enough. She’d better not read anywhere about Bristol getting anything else tattooed or pierced.”

Ha, so Sarah’s upset that Bristol got a tattoo? She’s old enough to do whatever she wants with her body….She had a kid as a teenager, but getting ink is where she draws the line?!?

Sarah is also said to be miffed about Bristol living with her former Dancing With The Stars co-star, Kyle Massey. Are they dating now?

The snitch said, “Sarah is furious at Bristol for going so quickly from man to man. She is doing her best to prevent Bristol’s new relationship from being featured in the reality show. Bristol is completely rebelling against her mother – now that she’s experiencing life outside of Alaska and away from Sarah. She has opened her eyes and realized how sheletered and programmed she was.”

Oh Sarah, when are you going to realize that you can’t control everything? Weirdo.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

According to The Globe, former Alaskan Governor-turned-reality star, Sarah Palin, is involved in some sort of cocaine scandal.

Their photo with the caption, “She snorted drug here” just says it all, doesn’t it? It’s as if no one told them that they’re missing a word, perhaps?

Is this an attempt to get people to discredit her in her possible attempt at the White House next year? Heck, she can probably do just fine with discrediting herself all on her own. She’s a moron in her own right, thank you very much.

So, unless the Globe has specific photos and/or video of Sarah sniffing the white lady, we’re not buying it. We’d like to believe it, but we need proof, people. Besides, does Sarah seem wired like your average cokehead? Probably not. No, she’s just stupid. And you really can’t fix that, can you?

Levi Johnston’s sister Mercede appears in the latest issue of Playboy magazine, telling everyone what they’ve already known, Bristol Palin is evil. Well, duh. She has a succubus for a mother, doesn’t that tell you anything?!??

In her interview, Mercede calls Bristol “evil” and a “sociopath”. Well isn’t that just dandy. TMZ has more:

19-year-old Mercede Johnston (above left) just WENT OFF about the entire Palin crew — calling Sarah Palin a bad mom who’s “never there for [her kids]” … adding, “She doesn’t make her kids go to school. She’d rather parade them around and put on a show, at book signings or conventions.”

As for Bristol — “Everything is about her, her, her. She has to have her own way. She’ll be supersweet and then she turns into the most evil person I’ve ever known …Honestly, she is the meanest person.”

Mercede adds, “I didn’t know someone could be so vindictive and evil …[She’s] a sociopath. She doesn’t think anything she could do or does is wrong.”

Mercede also claims Bristol and Levi PLANNED their pregnancy — saying, “They were trying to conceive for months.”

And for good measure … Mercede explains why Sarah would have been a TERRIBLE president saying, “I think she’d have had a mental breakdown if she was elected [president] … She can’t even answer Katie Couric’s questions.” Everything is about her, her, her. She has to have her own way. She’ll be supersweet and then she turns into the most evil person I’ve ever known …Honestly, she is the meanest person. I didn’t know someone could be so vindictive and evil …[She’s] a sociopath. She doesn’t think anything she could do or does is wrong.

Who knew that Bristol really was trying to famewhore it up and her mother would suck as the President?!? We knew that….Abstinence, my butt. She really was trying to get knocked up….she should have to refund all of the money that was given to her by those groups who paid her for speaking engagements.

Bristol Palin is so delusional enough, for one, to think that she can get knocked up as a teenager and then go on to promote abstinence. For two, she thinks that she actually had any shred of dancing ability for her stint on Dancing With The Stars…. Now, she thinks that we’re all jealous of her mother, Sarah. Oh yeah, that’s totally it. Give up now, you’ve figured us out. It’s jealousy.

The Palins really are as dumb as a brick, but they must actually believe the crap that they’re spewing to other people. Bristol gave an interview to Christianity Today, where she talked about how God is on Sarah’s side and we’re “all envious.”

She said, “Yeah, I think that people treat her poorly, they treat her with no respect, and I think it’s because they’re envious of her. She’s got a good family, she’s got a good husband, she’s got awesome support, she’s got God on her side, and I think people are envious of that.”

We totally ARE! Bristol’s a total genius….UMM, NO.

Bristol goes on to add to the confusion about her own public image. Since getting knocked up in a tent after being drunk on wine coolers, she’s become an abstinence advocate. As hypocritical as that sounds, she seems to be flip-flopping? She said, “I would much rather attend a pro-life event than an abstinence type of event just because I’m much more passionate about pro-life things.”

Whether or not Sarah is going to run for President remains a mystery, because Bristol knows and she isn’t letting the cat out of the bag. She said, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I know. We talk all the time. What’s said at our kitchen table will remain there until she wants to make a decision publicly.”

God help us all.