earsucker

In case you were wondering if Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was ready to birth a guido or a guidette, you’re in luck. Snooki broke the news to “In Touch Weekly” that she’s having a bouncing baby boy! We’re sure she is just over the moon with excitement.

She told the publication that she and fiance Jionni LaValle are expecting a baby boy this September. She revealed, “Everyone said I was going to have a boy, and they were right!”

They are also trying to decide between two names for their bundle of joy and it’s down to Lorenzo or Jionni Jr. Snooki said, “I thought it was going to be a girl. I was hoping it would be, because all girls want girls. It’s still my baby, no matter what. I’m excited either way!”

Now that she’s showing off her bump and is gearing up for motherhood, she talked about her cravings. She said, “I love anything cold and juicy, like Italian ices.” She also revealed too much information about her and Jionni’s bedroom time. She said, “Our sex life is hardly there! I just feel too icky and gross. I’m so not in the mood to do stuff.”

According to Us Weekly, Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi insulted fashion mogul Jessica Simpson for her size! Jessica, as you already know, is pregnant and looks like she is about to pop any moment now. Snooki is pregnant, too, but it’s still wrong to insult someone for their pregnancy size. Every woman is different, right?

The tabloid claims that Snooki said, “I would die if I were her size.”

Yes, Jessica’s bump is big enough to where she looks uncomfortable just moving around, but it’s temporary. It’s not like she got that just by eating and eating. She’s hatching a baby, y’all.

Now, Snooki is claiming that her comment was taken the wrong way. She took to her official Twitter account to defend herself. She tweeted, “I NEVER dissed Jessica Simpson you weirdo tabloids, get over it with your ‘pregnant war’ articles. I love the girl and her hot ass bump.”

It’s no secret that tabloids have been faking celebrity wars for some time now. Just ask Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston about their long rumored “love triangle”.

Snooki really isn’t one to talk about anyone’s shortcomings, is she? She’s a midget troll on Jersey Shore who humps plants and pees on dance floors. Jessica isn’t much better because of her loose lips about bodily functions, but she’s not putting people on blast for things that she can’t control.

What do you think? Hit the comments with your thoughts!

No one has ever said that Snooki was smart — and she’s an “accomplished” author, television star and soon-to-be mother. Ha. Scary, isn’t it? To think that Snooki is actually procreating with someone? This is our up and coming generation, Idiocracy, isn’t it lovely?

Since telling the world via a tabloid that she’s knocked up by her fiance Jionni LaValle, she has taken to practicing for impending motherhood by using a baby doll. So she’s taking us all back to high school with this fake baby crap? Seriously, this is entertainment?!?

She and pal JWoww have been pushing around baby dolls in their strollers — all over Jersey City, New Jersey. They have even fed the dolls with bottles and covered them up with blankets.

So MTV is basically all out of ideas here. Snooki can no longer hump plants and get so drunk that she smooshes any random guido so it’s all over now.

I can only imagine what the next season of Jersey Shore is going to be like now that Snooki can’t drink and The Situation is in rehab. For five seasons, the show has been about this midget getting wasted and having sex with whoever. Now what?!?

We were wondering what was going to come of MTV show Jersey Shore after Snooki got knocked up and The Situation checked himself into rehab. Now we know…

Apparently since Snooks and Sitch are out of commission and can’t be partying like psychos, the network is going to phase them out of the show’s next season. Snitches close to 495 Productions and MTV say that the production company is looking for new talent for the next season. Surprised?

Snooki became known for humping plants and peeing on dance floors after booze-filled partying. The Situation is in the Cirque Lodge for an addiction to prescription pills and booze.

Did you think that anyone could walk away from a show like that without some sort of addiction? TMZ reports:

MTV released a statement earlier this week — following news Sitch was seeking substance abuse treatment — claiming the network expects the entire cast to return for Season 6 … but sources close to 495 Productions tell TMZ, the production company is currently looking for new talent.

According to sources, 495 desperately wants to keep things fresh — and folding in new castmates will help transition the show into a new generation … while still keeping old fans hooked.

We’re told 495 plans to limit Snooki and The Situation’s roles on the new season — giving new cast members more screen time instead.

Idiots. Do you watch the show?

According to the latest issue of Reality Weekly, Jersey Shore star Snooki is really worried about her pregnancy!

Earlier this month, we revealed that Snooki is pregnant and engaged to Jionni LaValle. She was said to be waiting to confirm the news so that she could get a fat payout from one of the tabloid weeklies. She got what she wanted when she appeared on the cover of Us Weekly with the news. I wonder how much that cost them?

Now that the cat is out of the bag officially, Snooki is said to be worried the pregnancy. A friend of the reality star said, “Snooki was not expecting to get pregnant at all, and before she found out she was partying like crazy. She’s admitted that she was drinking a lot at New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas, but the truth is it’s way worse than she’s letting on. She was on a total binge over the holidays – it was one party after another, so now she can’t help but panic a little.”

I think there might be some truth to this one. We already know that Snooki is a true fan of the bottle. If you’ve watched one iota of Jersey Shore, then you would know that this plant humping midget loves to drink it up. Let’s hope that she didn’t do any damage to her unborn child with her partying ways.

Jersey Shore star Snooki has revealed that she is calming down as she prepares to start her family with fiancee Jionni LaValle. She has already confirmed reports that she is pregnant with the couple’s first child — along with being engaged. But now she wants to tone things down as she prepares for motherhood.

In a new interview, she said, “I’m 24. I’ve had all the fun I’m ever going to have in my life.”

Does she think being married and having kids isn’t fun?!? Or does she mean that she is all partied out?

She revealed, “I have different priorities now. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. As long as I know I’m ready and he’s ready.”

Do you think Snooki is ready to be a mother? How about a wife? We are definitely interested to see how this one plays out. What we’re wondering is if her pregnancy means she is done with reality television? You know, is she going to stop humping plants and peeing on dance floors? Is that what she means by “fun”?

Two days ago, we told our readers that Jersey Shore star Snooki was pregnant and engaged to her beau Jionni LaValle and as it turns out, we were right!

At the time, we had heard rumors that Snooks wasn’t going to confirm the news until she could get a payout from a tabloid. It looks like Us Weekly took the bait — as she is confirming the pregnancy and engagement news on their latest magazine cover.

The cover reads, “A newly engaged Snooki opens up about her panic after drinking in the first month, how she nearly ruined Jionni’s sweet proposal and her doubtful future on the Shore.”

Snooki says that she wants house music playing as she gives birth to their new bundle of joy. Is anyone curious as to what kind of mother Snooki’s going to be? She humps plants drunk, forgets where the beach is when it’s five feet in front of her and urinates on the dance floor. I wish I were kidding.

What should she name the baby guido/guidette that is currently occupying space in her uterus?

At the end of last month, we revealed that Jersey Shore star Snooki is pregnant by her boyfriend Jionni LaValle. Now, we’ve learned that’s not the only good news the reality star is celebrating. Reportedly, Snooki is also engaged!

It was rumored that Snooki wouldn’t confirm the news of her pregnancy unless she got a nice fat payout from a tabloid weekly, so we’re likely waiting on that. How much can she expect to make from a tabloid to confirm the news? She’s really taking the Jessica Simpson approach? I don’t understand that, considering that time will confirm the news for us — if we wait.

Still, she previously talked about her romance with Jionni, saying, “It’s meant to be! We’re lucky to have found guys that we have found.”

Are you wondering what a spawn of Snooki will look like? I’m curious to see if she tries to turn that into a business venture? You know, leopard printed onesies and gorilla shaped bottles? Only time will tell, right?

What do you think they’re going to name their baby?

At the beginning of February, reality TV star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi claimed that she’s not pregnant. Afterward, she also claimed to be insulted by the insinuation that she’s fat! Now, we’ve learned that she was lying about not being pregnant!

She talked to Opie & Anthony and when a snapper asked if she’s pregnant, she said, “NO!”

Afterward, she said, “Why are people calling me fat? That’s so rude!”

According to TMZ, she lied about the pregnancy because she didn’t want to jinx herself. TMZ reports:

Sources close to the MTV star tell us … Snooks WAS already pregnant when she went on Sirius/XM radio on Feb. 1st and told everyone she was OUTRAGED by the suggestion that she had preggo belly.

But we’re told Snooki is taking the situation very seriously … especially the taboo about revealing the pregnancy before the 3rd month.

Now, it seems Snooki has crossed the 3-month threshold … and an official announcement could come any moment.

So after this she’ll get another deal with Zantrex to lose the weight all over again?

Congratulations so Snooki and her boyfriend Jionni Lavalle on their impending addition! When’s the wedding?

Jersey Shore star Snooki has reportedly split from her boyfriend Jionni LaValle after dating him for an entire year.

After losing weight, she must think her stock is up — so she dumped the guy and is looking for someone famous. Good luck with that one, midget.

A friend said, “It happened after her birthday party last weekend in Las Vegas. They’re done! Snooki broke up with him because she is looking better than ever and wants to date someone famous.”

Wow, now that’s classy. You lose the weight and then suddenly you’re too good for a juicehead? How do you like those apples?

Who do you think Snooki should date next? Sound off in the comments and let us know!

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Jersey Shore star Snooki has laid the smackdown on contestants who appear on reality dancing competition Dancing With The Stars!

She was rumored to be taking part in the dancing competition for its current season, but has rebuffed the reports. Now, in an interview with Wendy Williams, she has put the celebrities who have competed on blast.

Apparently, she wasn’t aware that Wendy actually competed on last season’s show. Ha! Aceshowbiz reports:

“I feel like you should be on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ when you fall off,” Snooki shared her reason, causing Wendy Williams to cringe and say, “Ooohh, when you fall off?” The reality star, whose real name is Nicole Polizzi, tried to explain her statement before she realized that Wendy was once on the show. “Oh no! You were on it!” she exclaimed while covering her face with her hands.

Don’t you just love it when someone opens up their mouth only to insert their foot? Too funny. Try harder, Snooki.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Since Snooki has lost so much weight after becoming an endorser for the Xantrex-3 brand, she has slowly morphed into a darker haired Christina Aguilera. Unsurprisingly, it seems that Christina is trying the reversal
of Snooki’s plan and has slowly changed, as well.

Still, she thinks like Charlie Sheen, if Charlie Sheen had the mind of a hamster.

That is all. Happy Friday!

If you were going to tune into the Dancing With The Stars premiere on September 19th, hoping that you would see Jersey Shore star Snooki competing for the mirror ball trophy, then you’re going to be sadly mistaken.

Tommy Lee has said that he said no to the show, with a quickness. Reportedly, they’ve already signed Rob Kardashian and possibly Queen Latifah, Kristin Cavallari and Christina Milian. There were rumors that Chynna Phillips also signed on for the upcoming season, but we haven’t heard any confirmation on that, as of yet. But there’s one person you can count out of the dancing competition, and that’s Snooki.

She took to her official Twitter account to deny the rumors that have been floating around. She tweeted, “I love watching Dancing with the Stars but I am not apart of the cast ! Sorry Tweedos”.

Can orange oompa-loompa midgets dance, anyways? That’s what I’d want to know. You know they would try to instill some iota of class and she’s probably not going to have any part of that!

Did you want to see Snooki on the show? The new cast will be announced on the Bachelor Pad on August 29th…so stay tuned!

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

The entire Jersey Shore cast has just ventured off to Florence, Italy to film the fourth season of the hit reality show. Now, we’ve learned that Snooki has gotten herself into a bit of trouble. Surprised?

The pint-sized reality actress was taken into custody in Florence after crashing her car into a cop car. Even more surprising, alcohol did not play a factor in the accident.

JWoww was a passenger in the car, and no one was said to have been injured. A witness said that Snooki smacked her car into the back of the police car, wedging her car between the patrol car and a highway protection wall.

When JWoww tried to make her exit from the vehicle, she had to climb through the car’s window, because the vehicle was blocked by the wall.

Didn’t they just leave the States recently? It didn’t take long for the long arm of the law to bust Snooki in foreign territory for something stupid, did it?

What do you think?

It looks like Jersey Shore star Snooki no longer deserves the label “fat midget troll” by our loving staff here at Earsucker. So, we now dub her “midget troll”!

Congratulations are in order. For this dedication ceremony, we bestow upon the Snookster a lifetime of gym, tanning and laundry. Not the services themselves, just the right to do so without the threat of getting fatter, lighter or dirtier.

You are welcome, Snooki, now please use this title wisely, so many are counting on you.

Here’s more pictures of the queen of the trolls looking *smaller*.

If you’ve had enough of the Jersey Shore crew and their gym, tanning and laundry, then we’ve got some bad news for you. MTV has given the green light to film two new reality shows based off of the popular franchise.

MTV reports:

The network has indeed green-lit new programming that will feature Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Paul “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio and Jenni “JWOWW” Farley. The two untitled reality projects, which will chronicle the lives all three, will begin production later this year and are slated to air in 2012.

Chris Linn, MTV exec, said, “The Jersey Shore cast is at the center of the show’s ongoing success and Nicole, Pauly D and Jenni have become household names as a result of their unique, sometimes outrageous and often hilarious personalities. We’re excited to put the spotlight on their lives away from the show as they pursue their individual passions, careers and relationships.”

Does this news make you excited? Or does it make you want to barf? Sound off in the comments!

Jersey Shore star Snooki was paid a whopping $32,000 to speak at Rutgers University for two engagements! Isn’t that more than some people make in a year?!??

The powers that be at Rutgers paid the sum to the reality television star out of student funds and now they’re miffed!

RadarOnline reports:

“My tuition dollars wasted on Snooki,” on student posted on their Twitter account.

“Rutgers probably could have paid her with a case of beer.”

University rep E.J. Miranda told Fox News that Snooki’s appearance was paid for through student fees.

“My alma mater. You have brought SHAME to my family,” one alumni tweeted.

“As an RU student, I’m really ashamed,” another wrote.

And if you’re wondering what the pint sized midget taught the students, well it wasn’t rocket science, that’s for sure. Apparently she taught one girl how to get her signature poof and she spewed knowledge of partying.

This kind of news makes me sad for the future of our planet.

Snooki is on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine — and we’re still trying to figure out why. Wasn’t there a time when Rolling Stone was for rock stars from Mars? Heck, if they wanted to be completely disassociated from the world of music, they could’ve always put Charlie Sheen on the cover. Now that’s an issue that I’d buy!

She gave an interview inside the magazine and talked about Jersey Shore, spinoffs and how the show is just like prison. Oh yay.

On the topic of the show, she said:

If I do something stupid, which is pretty much the whole time, I hate it. I just hate it. Obviously, they’re only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I’m seeing is me drunk and falling down. That’s how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, ‘Really, Nicole?’ I look like a freakin’ alcoholic. I’m like, ‘You’re sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.’ I just look like sh*t.”

On her plans after becoming a troll midget on television:

“When Jersey Shore ends I’m going to do more spinoffs. If MTV doesn’t want them, another network will be, like, ‘What does Snooki do now?’ or ‘Snooki’s getting married!’ What i’d like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions….I’m trying to build an empire, because after this I can’t get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?”

On how the show is just like prison:

“It messes with your head. That’s why we go crazy. That’s why we fight with each other. That’s why we drink. We’re living in a house for two months with that sh*t. We can’t have cellphones, TV, radio or the internet. If the president died, we’d have no idea. There’s no normalcy. It’s just like prison, with cameras.”

Madness. We’d all be happy if she just went away already!

Dana Carvey brought the Church Lady back to Saturday Night Live to roast a metric ton of celebrities. He mocked Charlie Sheen, Snooki, the shows 16 And Pregnant and Skins and of course, the Kardashian sisters — namely Kim Kardashian and her nude photo shoot for W magazine.

His first guests? “The holy trinity of sluts”, the Kardashians. Check out the video for all of the goodies, it’s hilarious:

He also mocked Snooki from Jersey Shore — and almost caved in to temptation with Justin Bieber! Ha!

It was just yesterday that we posted a heartwarming message that the apocalypse wasn’t near. Reportedly, Snooki’s book, A Shore Thing wasn’t doing so well. I have to admit, when I first heard the news about Snooki getting a book deal, I wasn’t too thrilled.

What’s even more disheartening, is the tweet from Snooki above. REALLY?!? She’s a NY Times best seller?!?? Gosh, that makes me think I can write up a book in ten minutes flat, draw stick figures for illustrations and cobble together five really fine words: “you”, “totally”, “should”, “have”, “flopped”.

Don’t believe me? Read THIS, I’ll wait. Are you done now? How could she possibly have got on that list? Is everyone on something?

Idiocracy…here we come.

But, in an alternate quantum reality, Snooki is just Nicky, who works at an IHOP, serving breakfast for $2.25 an hour and is missing teeth. Robyn at CelebDirtyLaundry.com pointed out that SNOOKI MIGHT BE FAKING IT. So there’s that.

Jersey Shore might be a ratings goldmine, but Snooki’s book, A Shore Thing, is said to be flopping in sales.

Reportedly, as of Monday, the book was number 591 on Amazon.com’s sales chart, leaving little hope for anyone to find out all about Gia’s adventures on the Jersey shore.

I can’t say that my feelings are hurt by this. There are talented writers out there who deserve a chance more than this girl. It’s scary to think that the only thing people need to get a book deal are a lack of real talent and a chance to be on television.

Who will write a book next? That chick from Teen Mom?

If you thought the real Jersey Shore was stupid, look at what these idiots are passing around on Twitter.

Snooki tweeted the above photo, saying, “love this” and JWoww re-tweeted it, adding, “Omg lol classic”.

What’s killing me is that these mini-me’s are all of about ten-years-old and the JWoww one looks so terrible. How on Earth did they think it was classy to make some poor children dress up to look like them?

Madness, I tell you. Madness.

Snooki appeared on David Letterman’s show last night and gave us the top ten reasons to buy the new Snooki book.

RELATED: Snooki’s book, ‘A Shore Thing’ scares me

Watch out, she’ll send a juiced-up guido to your house!

PHOTO: Snooki naked

Will you be purchasing Snooki’s book?