earsucker

Jersey Shore star Snooki has reportedly split from her boyfriend Jionni LaValle after dating him for an entire year.

After losing weight, she must think her stock is up — so she dumped the guy and is looking for someone famous. Good luck with that one, midget.

A friend said, “It happened after her birthday party last weekend in Las Vegas. They’re done! Snooki broke up with him because she is looking better than ever and wants to date someone famous.”

Wow, now that’s classy. You lose the weight and then suddenly you’re too good for a juicehead? How do you like those apples?

Who do you think Snooki should date next? Sound off in the comments and let us know!

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Jersey Shore star Snooki has laid the smackdown on contestants who appear on reality dancing competition Dancing With The Stars!

She was rumored to be taking part in the dancing competition for its current season, but has rebuffed the reports. Now, in an interview with Wendy Williams, she has put the celebrities who have competed on blast.

Apparently, she wasn’t aware that Wendy actually competed on last season’s show. Ha! Aceshowbiz reports:

“I feel like you should be on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ when you fall off,” Snooki shared her reason, causing Wendy Williams to cringe and say, “Ooohh, when you fall off?” The reality star, whose real name is Nicole Polizzi, tried to explain her statement before she realized that Wendy was once on the show. “Oh no! You were on it!” she exclaimed while covering her face with her hands.

Don’t you just love it when someone opens up their mouth only to insert their foot? Too funny. Try harder, Snooki.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Since Snooki has lost so much weight after becoming an endorser for the Xantrex-3 brand, she has slowly morphed into a darker haired Christina Aguilera. Unsurprisingly, it seems that Christina is trying the reversal
of Snooki’s plan and has slowly changed, as well.

Still, she thinks like Charlie Sheen, if Charlie Sheen had the mind of a hamster.

That is all. Happy Friday!

If you were going to tune into the Dancing With The Stars premiere on September 19th, hoping that you would see Jersey Shore star Snooki competing for the mirror ball trophy, then you’re going to be sadly mistaken.

Tommy Lee has said that he said no to the show, with a quickness. Reportedly, they’ve already signed Rob Kardashian and possibly Queen Latifah, Kristin Cavallari and Christina Milian. There were rumors that Chynna Phillips also signed on for the upcoming season, but we haven’t heard any confirmation on that, as of yet. But there’s one person you can count out of the dancing competition, and that’s Snooki.

She took to her official Twitter account to deny the rumors that have been floating around. She tweeted, “I love watching Dancing with the Stars but I am not apart of the cast ! Sorry Tweedos”.

Can orange oompa-loompa midgets dance, anyways? That’s what I’d want to know. You know they would try to instill some iota of class and she’s probably not going to have any part of that!

Did you want to see Snooki on the show? The new cast will be announced on the Bachelor Pad on August 29th…so stay tuned!

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

The entire Jersey Shore cast has just ventured off to Florence, Italy to film the fourth season of the hit reality show. Now, we’ve learned that Snooki has gotten herself into a bit of trouble. Surprised?

The pint-sized reality actress was taken into custody in Florence after crashing her car into a cop car. Even more surprising, alcohol did not play a factor in the accident.

JWoww was a passenger in the car, and no one was said to have been injured. A witness said that Snooki smacked her car into the back of the police car, wedging her car between the patrol car and a highway protection wall.

When JWoww tried to make her exit from the vehicle, she had to climb through the car’s window, because the vehicle was blocked by the wall.

Didn’t they just leave the States recently? It didn’t take long for the long arm of the law to bust Snooki in foreign territory for something stupid, did it?

What do you think?

It looks like Jersey Shore star Snooki no longer deserves the label “fat midget troll” by our loving staff here at Earsucker. So, we now dub her “midget troll”!

Congratulations are in order. For this dedication ceremony, we bestow upon the Snookster a lifetime of gym, tanning and laundry. Not the services themselves, just the right to do so without the threat of getting fatter, lighter or dirtier.

You are welcome, Snooki, now please use this title wisely, so many are counting on you.

Here’s more pictures of the queen of the trolls looking *smaller*.

If you’ve had enough of the Jersey Shore crew and their gym, tanning and laundry, then we’ve got some bad news for you. MTV has given the green light to film two new reality shows based off of the popular franchise.

MTV reports:

The network has indeed green-lit new programming that will feature Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Paul “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio and Jenni “JWOWW” Farley. The two untitled reality projects, which will chronicle the lives all three, will begin production later this year and are slated to air in 2012.

Chris Linn, MTV exec, said, “The Jersey Shore cast is at the center of the show’s ongoing success and Nicole, Pauly D and Jenni have become household names as a result of their unique, sometimes outrageous and often hilarious personalities. We’re excited to put the spotlight on their lives away from the show as they pursue their individual passions, careers and relationships.”

Does this news make you excited? Or does it make you want to barf? Sound off in the comments!

Jersey Shore star Snooki was paid a whopping $32,000 to speak at Rutgers University for two engagements! Isn’t that more than some people make in a year?!??

The powers that be at Rutgers paid the sum to the reality television star out of student funds and now they’re miffed!

RadarOnline reports:

“My tuition dollars wasted on Snooki,” on student posted on their Twitter account.

“Rutgers probably could have paid her with a case of beer.”

University rep E.J. Miranda told Fox News that Snooki’s appearance was paid for through student fees.

“My alma mater. You have brought SHAME to my family,” one alumni tweeted.

“As an RU student, I’m really ashamed,” another wrote.

And if you’re wondering what the pint sized midget taught the students, well it wasn’t rocket science, that’s for sure. Apparently she taught one girl how to get her signature poof and she spewed knowledge of partying.

This kind of news makes me sad for the future of our planet.

Snooki is on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine — and we’re still trying to figure out why. Wasn’t there a time when Rolling Stone was for rock stars from Mars? Heck, if they wanted to be completely disassociated from the world of music, they could’ve always put Charlie Sheen on the cover. Now that’s an issue that I’d buy!

She gave an interview inside the magazine and talked about Jersey Shore, spinoffs and how the show is just like prison. Oh yay.

On the topic of the show, she said:

If I do something stupid, which is pretty much the whole time, I hate it. I just hate it. Obviously, they’re only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I’m seeing is me drunk and falling down. That’s how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, ‘Really, Nicole?’ I look like a freakin’ alcoholic. I’m like, ‘You’re sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.’ I just look like sh*t.”

On her plans after becoming a troll midget on television:

“When Jersey Shore ends I’m going to do more spinoffs. If MTV doesn’t want them, another network will be, like, ‘What does Snooki do now?’ or ‘Snooki’s getting married!’ What i’d like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions….I’m trying to build an empire, because after this I can’t get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?”

On how the show is just like prison:

“It messes with your head. That’s why we go crazy. That’s why we fight with each other. That’s why we drink. We’re living in a house for two months with that sh*t. We can’t have cellphones, TV, radio or the internet. If the president died, we’d have no idea. There’s no normalcy. It’s just like prison, with cameras.”

Madness. We’d all be happy if she just went away already!

Dana Carvey brought the Church Lady back to Saturday Night Live to roast a metric ton of celebrities. He mocked Charlie Sheen, Snooki, the shows 16 And Pregnant and Skins and of course, the Kardashian sisters — namely Kim Kardashian and her nude photo shoot for W magazine.

His first guests? “The holy trinity of sluts”, the Kardashians. Check out the video for all of the goodies, it’s hilarious:

He also mocked Snooki from Jersey Shore — and almost caved in to temptation with Justin Bieber! Ha!

It was just yesterday that we posted a heartwarming message that the apocalypse wasn’t near. Reportedly, Snooki’s book, A Shore Thing wasn’t doing so well. I have to admit, when I first heard the news about Snooki getting a book deal, I wasn’t too thrilled.

What’s even more disheartening, is the tweet from Snooki above. REALLY?!? She’s a NY Times best seller?!?? Gosh, that makes me think I can write up a book in ten minutes flat, draw stick figures for illustrations and cobble together five really fine word: “you”, “totally”, “should”, “have”, “flopped”.

Don’t believe me? Read THIS, I’ll wait. Are you done now? How could she possibly have got on that list? Is everyone on something?

Idiocracy…here we come.

But, in an alternate quantum reality, Snooki is just Nicky, who works at an IHOP, serving breakfast for $2.25 an hour and is missing teeth. Robyn at CelebDirtyLaundry.com pointed out that SNOOKI MIGHT BE FAKING IT. So there’s that.