earsucker

Just in case you could use a good chuckle to brighten up your tax day, we’ve learned that former famewhore Heidi Montag is giving music a try again. Because we all know how that one worked out so well, right? Perhaps this time she can sell 700 copies? Or would she just be shooting rubberbands at the stars there?

Us Magazine reports:

On April 11, Heidi Montag released her Dreams Come True EP, and as expected, the cover art featured the 25-year-old showing off her body in a skimpy pink monokini. (In November 2009, Montag famously got 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day; she first got a breast augmentation and rhinoplasty in April 2007.)

The EP features four previously released songs — “Your Love Found Me,” “Party Is Wherever I Am,” “No More” and “Overdosin” — and is a follow-up to her 2010 album Superficial, which sold less than 1,000 in its first week of release.

We won’t call it a comeback, because that’s obviously what this is not. Were you a fan of this twit’s music? Were you hoping for a full album of all new music?

As if we’re supposed to give them a collective “Awwww…poor baby!”, reality idiots Heidi Montag and her moron husband, Spencer Pratt have revealed that they’re flat busted — BROKE! Ha. It couldn’t happen to nicer people, could it?

They faked EVERYTHING, so I can’t say that I feel sorry for them. Their entire existence is stupid. Let alone the fact that they managed to have careers in reality television. These embeciles were mugging it up anywhere they could draw the paparazzi. He was hated and she was just dumb for going along with it. Now they’re broke, wahhhhhhhhh.

After starring on The Hills, they became hated for every move that they made. With good reason, too. These two were cheesing it up at Taco Bell, in the park — and in the Taco Bell in the park, if they could. Everywhere they were smiling like they were God’s gift to humanity.

So it doesn’t make me feel bad at all that they’re now living rent free at Spencer’s parent’s house in Santa Barbara. Cry me a freakin’ river, morons.

In a new interview, Heidi said, “I thought I was investing in myself and my brand, like Kim (Kardashian). I thought I had that potential. My ego got too big. To think I could be someone like that when I was the most hated girl ever.”

Spencer revealed, “What we learned is, you can be too famous. This isn’t a business. That was the big thing I didn’t get. Reality TV is not a career. Anyone who says, ‘Oh, you can have a career in reality’ — that is a lie.”

Do you feel bad for them?

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Virgin Mobile concocted their fake celebrity couple, Spencer and Sarah, now known as “Sparah”. Since their manufactured existence, Spencer Pratt has become miffed. He said that the new duo is just a ripoff of their scheme. He even went as far as demanding Virgin Mobile pay him and his wife, Heidi Montag, money for snagging their likeness.

Sparah ripped into Speidi, basically saying that they don’t have time to feud with the fake television personalities….primarily because they’re not even real celebrities! Ha! I like these two already.

TMZ has the scoop:

But reps for “Sparah” — the spoof celeb couple who stars in Virgin Mobile’s new ad campaign — tell us, Virgin’s new duo has zero time to respond to Spencer’s diatribe “due to their pressing endorsement commitments with Virgin Mobile and their frequent interactions with real celebrities.”

I can’t blame Sparah for not wanting to waste any time bickering with these twits. They’ve had more than their fifteen minutes and there’s a new celebrity duo in town.

In an attempt to generate some much needed buzz about Heidi Montag’s new reality television show, Famous Food, the producers of the show have banned her husband, Spencer Pratt, from the set.

Wasn’t it a mere two days ago that this bobble-headed Barbie was saying that she wanted to live a more private life? In a recent interview, she said, “From now on, I’m going to keep my life a little more private. I think I was just doing The Hills for so long and I just needed a break. Plus, I enjoy my privacy.”

How long did you think that would last?!??

According to reports, head honchos at the show haven’t wanted Spencer around since its inception — and even Heidi agreed with them. Of course she did, it brings headlines to their names, doesn’t it?

TMZ has more:

We’re told producers were adamant … Spencer wasn’t allowed on the set, near the set, or to be involved in any way whatsoever — and not wanting bad blood … Heidi agreed to keep her man at bay.

We’re told Spencer has behaved himself so far — but we’re not getting our hopes up.

We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that this was all planned just for the show’s benefit. Call it a hunch. So much for trying to keep things private, right? Everything about these two screams, “Publicity stunt!”

Yesterday, we’ve learned that Ryan Seacrest is really, super kind to famewhores. Not like that’s any kind of surprise, considering that he keeps Kim Kardashian on television.

But, since being a reality show villain has worked out so well for Spencer Pratt (enter sarcasm here), he is now groveling at the feet of the most well liked guy in the entertainment world right now.

Gossip Sucker reports:

He reportedly wrote an email to Ryan’s talent agent, Amy Sugarman, asking for the chance to work for Ryan. He told her, “I’m trying to change my image and make myself more likable.”

Good luck with that one! Let us know how that works out for ya!

Thursday, he called in to discuss the idea with Ryan. He said, “How do you go from being hated to even a little bit likable? It’s about who you’re around. I’ve learned you need to be around likable people to even start to be likable. Who’s the most likable person in America, if not the world? That would be Ryan Seacrest.”

Too funny. At least he really wants some honest employment…that’s got to count for something, right?

Heidi Montag and her husband Spencer Pratt have been tweeting out links to OMGiv.com (mostly Spencer). Apparently this is their new website — and it’s unfinished!

Okay, so we did a little bit of nosing around and found out some goodies about the new celebrity gossip website. They purchased the domain on March 11, 2011 through GoDaddy.com. So there goes a whopping $11.99!

We’ve since learned that they’re using WordPress as a blogging platform, along with the free WordPress theme, Delicious Magazine. Total for that??? FREE.

And how do we know that the website is not finished? The photo above is of the screen when “About” is clicked, leading to this “sample page”.

What we want to know is what’s up with that cheesy logo? It sounds like they’re in desperate need of some help in the blogging department. It’s all good, guys — all of this won’t prove that you’ve got what it takes to be Charlie Sheen’s Tiger Blood Intern….so you can give it up already.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have been offered the chance at making a film, but not a sex tape of themselves — just yet anyways.

Vivid Entertainment has sent the famewhoring couple a letter, offering them the opportunity to direct an adult film, straight out of their wildest fantasies. It will be titled, Spencer and Heidi…Beyond Our Wildest Dreams. In addition to directing, the letter also states that if they want to hop into a scene, Vivid won’t stop them.

According to reports, Spencer is interested. Figures, right?

Heidi Montag and husband Spencer Pratt are feeling the pinch of the current economic crisis, after being irresponsible with a whole lot of money.

The couple have wasted a whopping $10 million, $35,000 a month on rent, $3 million for Heidi’s music career (buying songs for $40,000 a piece), renting studios, paying producers, spending cash on Heidi’s surgeries, cars and private jets. Now, they’re not asking for sympathy (because they wouldn’t get it), but they will be forced into bankruptcy.

Spencer said, “We were immature, worrying too much about the famous part instead of the actual business part. In hindsight, we shouldn’t have spent any of our money. We should have been low-key and saved. We spoke with a bankruptcy attorney and I’ve looked into unemployment checks.”

They went on to reveal that they had spent money from unaired episodes of The Hills, but were devastated financially when they didn’t receive payment for the episodes and were cut from the final season. (continue reading…)

Ugh. These two are just killing me. Aren’t Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s fifteen minutes up yet?

Shenanigan after shenanigan and we still bought into it. She even filed for divorce to take the ruse that much further. They went down “separately” to Costa Rica TOGETHER and we still bought it.

Like Twisted Sister said, We’re Not Gonna Take It anymore!

Have you had enough of these two losers and their con game?

Spencer Pratt claims that he was busted for felony possession of a firearm. After all he’s lied about, I doubt he was arrested at all [Captain Obvious rears his ugly head]. He said he was processed at a local jail and after he signed a confession to the local DA.

I think Spencer and his hooker wife should stop lying for the cameras so they can get attention. His “arrest” is obviously a publicity stunt that he and his wife do all the time because they are egotistical morons with nothing else to do.

Spencer says, “As part of my spiritual cleansing I’ve spent the last week living alone in the jungle, reflecting on my past transgressions, and working to become a better person. I had to live off the land, and hunt to survive. As I departed the country this morning to continue my spiritual journey, I mistakenly brought my hunting weapons to the airport. It was an honest mistake, and they sent me on my way. On an unrelated note, I’m not allowed in the country anymore — but that’s because of the chicken incident.”

It’s all bullcrap. Everything he says has no value to anyone. EVER!!! And what is this chicken incident he speaks of?

Holy mother of God, if there is a God in Heaven (I know you hear me up there), then please pleaaaaaaaaaase let Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt keep their famewhoring selves right in Costa Rica where they belong.

It’s a perfect fit to the puzzle. They have faked a pregnancy, a marriage (it could’ve happened), faken an album release (unfortunately this really happened) and have faked a sex tape release. The only thing they’re missing is the reconciliation, the relocation and the procreation of little Costa Rican famewhores just like mommy and daddy.

TMZ has more:

Sources directly connected with Spencer tell TMZ … he wants to move to Costa Rica for two reasons — it’s a lot cheaper than L.A., and he would be closer to Heidi and possibly salvage his marriage.

Of course, reason #2 assumes Heidi is also moving to Costa Rica. So we checked with sources in direct contact with her, and they’re now telling us Heidi is indeed noodling on the idea of living in the Republica de Costa Rica.

So the question — Is this whole divorce thing a pile? Heidi’s friends are kinda hedging, saying she loves Spencer but doesn’t know how to deal with all the problems.

Please, lord MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Yours truly, the Earsucker writer. P.S. If you could possibly find it in your heart to also send them a hurricane, I’d totally owe you one.

This isn’t even right!

We all know that “allegedly” Spencer Pratt made off with Karissa Shannon’s sex tape and tried selling the fictitious recording to Vivid Entertainment. But what comes next may just surprise you. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

Spencer tweeted that he may just release his own solo sex tape for the world. He tweeted, “Maybe if I threaten to release a solo sex tape, humanity will pay me $5million not to.”

Yes, I would totally chip in for that….I think that’s a common goal that we can all agree on.

It doesn’t matter how much you think the Heidi Montag and Karissa Shannon sex tape doesn’t exist, because Karissa is doing something real about it’s existence. She has threatened legal action against Spencer Pratt if he doesn’t return the tape that doesn’t “feature him”.

TMZ reports:

Karissa’s lawyer fired off a letter to Spencer — claiming that he is in possession of footage that was “taken from [Karissa]” and “contains private materials” featuring herself and boyfriend Sam Jones.

Either that confirms the existence of the sex tape or she’s furthering the facade. You decide.

I hate to break it to you guys, but just because Karissa Shannon says she fooled around with Heidi Montag in a sex tape, doesn’t mean it actually exists.

Case in point: Heidi is in Costa Rica right now to have some time away from Spencer Pratt. Yet, he’s right there with her for their “dog exchange”.

Besides that, Vivid Entertainment head honcho Steven Hirsch has already called Spencer’s bluff and has asked to see at least 30 seconds of the tape before he makes the trip to Costa Rica to start negotiations.

Doesn’t Heidi look so surprised that the paparazzi are there snapping away? She’s trying that acting thing, I guess.

Even though Spencer Pratt has threatened to release “non-existent” sex tape footage of Heidi Montag, she has filed for divorce. And to think that might be the end of YEARS of famewhoring for the couple, it’s just not true.

It was their plan all along to fake their divorce, release a sex tape and then, of course, profit!

Brilliant. What can Kim Kardashian teach them next about how the game is played? Release sex tape, feign dismay, publicly ridicule the other person and then resort to reality television and magazine covers.

Since, Heidi has emailed Steven Hirsch that she wants to sit down and discuss this fictitious sex tape.

Ahh, Kim, a role model for young girls everywhere.

Now that Heidi Montag is recognizing the non-existent sex tape that she made with Spencer Pratt, she’s agreed to sit down with Vivid Entertainment head honcho Steven Hirsch. They will have a meeting in Costa Rica to hash out all of the details surrounding the tapes.

We all know how this goes:

1. Deny, deny, deny
2. Feigned embarrassment
3. Threaten to sue
4. Sign papers, release tape privately
5. Profit!

TMZ reports:

We’re told Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch when he arrives in Costa Rica to make an offer on the footage … some of which is said to contain girl-on-girl action with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.

We’re told Heidi wants Hirsch to provide her with the sales numbers on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape — which was also released through Vivid — because Heidi may be interested in working out a “back-end deal” if Steve can’t offer enough cash up front to satisfy Montag.

Is anyone surprised by this?

Now that those suckers have served their purpose in wrangling these tards roughly five million dollars, Heidi Montag wants to size down the boobs.

Heidi made headlines after she upgraded to a ginormous G-cup. Now, she wants those puppies downsized.

She said, “My boobs are crushing me. My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working so I stopped. It hurt either way. I’m desperate to go back to normal. I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.”

She went on to reveal that she can’t live normally now that she’s had all of that work done. She said, “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

In addition to that, she’s also been wearing nose tape because she’s afraid that it’ll cave in. She explained, “I’m trying to keep the swelling down and hold my nose in place the way Dr. Ryan sculpted it. I don’t want my nose to fall off.

In addition, the blonde beauty has been wearing nose tape constantly since November because she is so worried it will cave in. I feel trapped in my own body. There’s just no fixing it. Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything.”

She went on to say that her surgeries, which were thought to be Spencer Pratt’s brilliant idea, had contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. She added, “No one wants to be taking care of his wife who looks like she’d been in a horrific accident. He begged me not to do it in the first place.”

Jersey Shore star Snooki’s ex-boyfriend, Emilio Masella admits that he made a mistake while dating the famous pickle loving reality star. No, it wasn’t dating her in the first place. He says that he regrets not following in the footsteps of his mentor, Spencer Pratt, and making a Snooki sex tape. Gross.

Do we really need to see THIS without clothes on?

The world is unfair.

According to douchebucket Spencer Pratt, not only does he have footage of a pre and post-op Heidi Montag, but he has footage of her lesbian romp with Playboy Playmate and ex-girlfriend to Hugh Hefner, Karissa Shannon.

Adding to the reports that she’s in on the tapes, Heidi and Spencer were spotted together in Costa Rica, even though their good friend Cougar Zank said she’s not in the vicinity. Friends will lie for friends, won’t they?

TMZ reports that Steven Hirsch is more interested in the tapes with Heidi and Spencer and not so much in the tape featuring Karissa. Weird, no?

Does anyone really want to see Spencer Pratt naked?

Spencer Pratt has his sights on making millions of dollars, starring in a sex tape with Heidi Montag. To entice the pervs, the resident jerkoff has said that he’s got some pre and post-op Heidi included in the footage.

A friend of the former couple’s, Cougar Zank, said, “Heidi’s really p—ed off. She denies there is a sex tape. She’s furious that Spencer would try and embarrass her like this.”

Spencer has tried shopping a tape to Steven Hirsch at Vivid Entertainment, but he has yet to see any proof that the tape exists.

We’re calling this a publicity stunt until photos or some other kind of proof surfaces.

Spencer Pratt is trying to sell his soon-to-be ex-wife, Heidi Montag’s sex tape for a whopping $5 million. I guess they really want to make back the money that Heidi gave to Dr. Frank Ryan on her ten surgeries that day.

Spencer is peddling the tape to Vivid Entertainment, whose head honcho, Steven Hirsch, says that five million dollars doesn’t sound unreasonable.

TMZ reports:

For his part, Spencer tells TMZ that he has an “entire website’s” worth of footage, saying, “I will knock Club Jenna out of the water.”

Spencer went on to say he thinks releasing the tapes will be good for Heidi, saying, “When I realized how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn’t on the cover of Allure.”

Do you want to see what Playboy wouldn’t show us?

The “greatest domain name ever” is for sale! That’s what you’ll see when looking at this auction for the domain name HeidiAndSpencer.com. Even though the two have officially split up and are heading toward divorce, you can relieve the fun stupidity with this unique domain.

And it can all be yours, if you’ve got 21 million dollars laying around. What a deal!

The sale will end on August 11, 2010. At this time, there are no current bids. Come on, you guys, why pass up this great opportunity?!??

Despite rumors that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still together, she has just filed for divorce from him at a Santa Monica courthouse.

TMZ reports:

The move comes just 6 weeks after Heidi filed for separation … citing irreconcilable differences.

23-year-old Montag married 26-year-old Pratt in April 2009 — right before she underwent one of the most intense plastic surgery runs we’ve ever seen.

Think that’s the final nail in the coffin? Or is that for publicity too?