earsucker

In news that surprises absolutely no one, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are reportedly still together.

Just like everything else with these two nitwits, the separation and divorce were all fake for publicity. A friend of Heidi’s, Lauren Stone, visited Heidi’s house….and lo and behold, Spencer was there, too. Who could’ve known that would’ve happened???

Lauren said, “I saw Spencer, he seems really normal. He actually showed us his new project he’s working on. He showed us a clip of the movie. I thought it was really funny. I think it’s about a lifeguard that’s trying to get girls. And the lifeguard is kinda like a douchebag type of guy not too cool.”

I was hoping that they would go away…but that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen anytime soon, does it?

Speidi is officially no more! At least that’s what Spencer Pratt wants us all to believe. According to him, they’ve split because he chose fame over wife Heidi Montag.

Even though absolutely no one believes that their divorce is real, he says otherwise. He said, “We love each other but I’m a famewhore and I’ll never grow out of it. Heidi knows that and doesn’t want that. I want every kind of press. She believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer.”

People magazine reports:

As for their infamous “Speidi,” moniker, Pratt says his estranged wife “doesn’t want to be Speidi anymore. She wants to be Heidi Montag: the sex symbol.”

“She thought I’d burn out of this, but no, I’m still the same Spencer who went on The Hills to be famous,” he says. “I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.”

Pratt, who mentions he and his ex are “friendly,” says Speidi trouble is nothing new. “It’s been a constant battle since we got married,” he says. “She would be like, ‘Are you really Tweeting that? Are you really doing that?’”

I hope it’s true and they fade off into oblivion, but we’ll never get that lucky, will we?

Spencer Pratt has been “ditched” by his wife Heidi Montag. Now he says he is homeless and has no place to go. On Twitter, he tweeted “Booking my room at Roosevelt Hotel Hollywood now that I have no place to live I think I should just move in there today stay near the action.”

This goontard deserves to be dumped simply because nobody likes him. Heidi tweeted “Swimming in my pool I love summer this is the first summer of my new life.” I’m not an expert on relationships, but I’m pretty sure that means she’s dumping him for good (just my personal opinion).

Good for him (even though I think he’s a turd burglar). What do you think?

Now that Heidi Montag has filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt, she is saying that she now regrets having ten surgeries in one day. More than just regret, she says that she feels stupid for getting so much work done.

Ahh, hindsight is always 20/20, right?

An inside snitch said, “She’s thinking about a plastic surgery make-under now that she’s separated from husband Spencer Pratt. He was the one who wanted her to get the work done. She knows she went too far, and she feels stupid.”

A make-under? Why not just stop with the trout pout and relax? It’s not cute.

Heidi Montag namedropped teen singer Justin Bieber in order to garner more attention for herself. Now, her husband, Spencer Pratt, is following suit.

Lady Gaga told Rolling Stone magazine, “I want to be a legend! Is that wrong”? Now, Spencer feels he can help her out in her quest. He tweeted to Perez Hilton, “Help me film a sex tape with Lady Gaga then I will really be using her properly for press. All i need is 8 minutes or so… I say that because Gaga said she wanted to be a legend. Well Sex tape with me would be a way Gaga could be a legend overnight.”

Umm. In case he’s been living under a rock for the past two years, Lady Gaga is already a legend in the making. Doing anything with Spencer would just bring down her property value.

Heidi Montag’s hunger for fame knows no bounds. Since she has announced plans to divorce husband Spencer Pratt, she has failed to sell her “love story” with Spencer’s friend and security guard Cougar Zank. Now, she’s got her sights set on teen singer Justin Bieber.

Why not? It’s not like they’re going to actually get together, right? She’ll probably end up using him for all of the press she can get. That’s what we’ve come to expect from her and Spencer, so why should this be any different?

Despite her ever-changing appearance, Heidi is only 23, so she’s closer to his age than Kim Kardashian. But, again, there’s that thing about being illegal. That should stop her, right?

Heidi tweeted, “Now that I am getting divorced I think you and I should do a photo shoot together! Cutie ;)! I’m closer to your age.”

Ugh. Anything to keep her name in the headlines, right?

Spencer Pratt hasn’t gotten enough of the rapping game, and this time he’s not going for it under the name Great White, he’s got a different plan. The reality TV actor took to his official Twitter account to dish on the details on his musical plans.

He said, “I’m no longer doing my first rap album under the name GREAT WHITE i am NOW rapping by my new name “THE HATED” look for my first single HATED. my album will have the REAL on : KIM Kardashian, LC aka BIG BEEF, BRODY, JERSEY SHORES, Seacrest, Al roker, john hamm, joel mchale, Adevillo. i was thinking about calling the documentary for the making of my “THE HATED” LP “THE DOUCHE” … about 1 hour ago via web in reply to YoungFeller.”

Will you buy it???

It appears that Speidi is no more!

According to CelebritySmack, Heidi Montag has split up with her ex-manager husband and all around douchebag, Spencer Pratt. She was said to have moved out of their shared home, where he’s currently staying, while she’s staying with friends.

A friend of hers said, “She was right, he is a selfish jerk.”

Another snitch close to the couple said, “She’s moving out of her house and away from Spencer.” Now that she’s had all of this surgery, she must think she’s going to become this huge movie star or something. Such delusions!

Update: Heidi and Spencer both have denied the rumors that they’ve split. They’ve said that they are working on their post-Hills lives.

Video fix: Kelis’ new video, Acapella – Popbytes

Tila Tequila is underdressed & bent over, because that’s how we all shop! – Amy Grindhouse

Britney Spears & Jason Trawick head to a hotel in Santa Monica – I Need My Fix

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt break up! – Celebrity Smack

Lindsay Lohan facing a 5150 hold? – Hollywood Dame

Whitney Port’s sexy photoshoot – Celebrity VIP Lounge

Katy Perry has NO standards when it comes to friends – Celebrity Hot Sauce

Carrie Prejean sued by PR firm – Daily Stab

Sandra Bullock has no plans to return home – Gossips Anonymous

Robert Pattinson doesn’t want Hugh Grant comparisons – The Star Celeb

Demi Lovato is headed to Grey’s Anatomy – Right Celebrity

Perez Hilton loves a circus, the freak – Poor Britney

The Bounty Hunter heads to Paris – Busy Bee Blogger

We need to save Anderson Cooper from the Scientologists! – Dipped In Cream

America Ferrara accomplishes goals – Celeb Dirty Laundry

Lady Gaga’s cover of Q Magazine – Dipped In Cream

Scarlett Johansson used to be hotter, right? – Amy Grindhouse

Joslyn James responds to Tiger’s robot apology – The Superficial

Lindsay Lohan’s lips are in London! – Celebrity Smack

John Mellencamp for Senate? Why not – Pop Eater

Sean Penn charged in latest photographer dust up – ICYDK

Hilary Duff is engaged! – Hollywood Dame

Spencer Pratt weighs in on the John Mayer kerfuffle – The Star Celeb

Some more photos of Britney Spears’ Candies shoot – Poor Britney

Kyle MacLachlan is in London! – Busy Bee Blogger

Lil Wayne’s got a filthy nasty mouth! – DListed

Should Scotty Lago have been sent home from the Olympics early? – Starcasm

Kristen Stewart knows how to smile! – I Need My Fix

After all of the fuss over her first Playboy photoshoot, Heidi Montag is claiming that *this time* she’s going to take it all off for the publication. Because that’ll increase sales, RIGHT.

NY Daily News reports:

Following her cover shoot for the nudie mag last September, the 23-year-old starlet confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the second shoot will be “soon, very soon.”

“I cannot wait to show off my new assets,” the famously altered star of MTV’s “The Hills” said. “I’m very excited.”

The blonde bimbus states that after having gone under the knife in a record ten surgeries in one day, she’s finally ready to show the world what Spencer comes home to every night. Yuck.

Spencer Pratt’s official video for “I’m A Celebrity” is making its debut tonight on the premiere of “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here”, but you can see it now before the show airs:

It’s even worse than you could’ve imagined. I hope one of them gets bit by a scorpion on the lip and has a gigantic reaction from it, thus rendering it impossible for them to be photographed for an entire year. I would watch the show to see that.

This has got to stop somewhere!

Heidi Montag, just like her husband yesterday, has decided to launch an assault on your eardrums (again).

She has just released her official video for “Blackout” and I must say, it’s utterly stupid. Watch at your own risk, yo.

Image Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Spencer Pratt thinks he’s a celebrity…I mean, for real.

Here’s Spencer rapping “I’m A Celebrity” apparently for his and Heidi Montag’s newest stint on “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here!”

Click here to here the audio… Trust me, it’s worth it! For the lolz alone.

Image Credit: Bauer-Griffin

It’s not like Heidi Montag can sing anyways, right? She proved that to us yesterday, with the release of two new songs, “Your Love Found Me” and “Look How I’m Doing”.

She’s convinced herself that she has some sort of “singing career”, but what she doesn’t know is that we’re all laughing AT her and not with her. She wants to bring her talentless dirtbag boyfriend on her upcoming album, as well.

She says, “Spencer Pratt is amazing. I’d love to get him on my album. He sings, he raps – he does everything.”

She wrote the song “Your Love Found Me” based on their relationship. She adds, “This is a song that is so fun to play. It is so heartwarming, and every time I hear it, I get so excited. For me, it was a really fun song. It’s very much about me and my relationship. Before I found Spencer, I had so much chaos, and when I found him, I became lost in him in a good way.”

And just in case you were wondering, Heidi is planning on dropping an entire album by the end of summer. She says, “I just pretty much live and breathe in the studio. I’ve never had an album. This is my first album. I’ve wanted to do music since I could talk. I used to do plays and singing and voice lessons and practice Britney routines when I was, like, 12. This is the biggest dream of my life.”

And it’s the biggest nightmare of ours. Someone please make it stop.

Image Credit: Bauer-Griffin

[Photo Credit: Sony Pictures]

When Heidi Montag’s retarded self is the answer to a question on Jeopardy, you know the world is coming to an end.

Someone needs to tell Alex Trebek that this crap is not funny. And they presume gazillions of people watch The Hills? I’d rather watch paint dry.

Folks, we have a new addition to the World of Suck.

Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Pete Wentz teamed up to shoot a commercial for “F N MTV”.

Don’t these idiots have anything better to do with their time? On the other hand, it’s not like any of them have any real talent, right? But, for now, they’re going to continue to dumb up the atmosphere ala Idiocracy.