earsucker

It really doesn’t come as that much of a surprise that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s father Frank is seeking out a reality show of his own.

Yesterday, we showed you a series of videos where the elder Sorrentino lays into Mike with some pretty vicious tirades. Now, we’ve learned that there is a method to his madness. First off, he was bashing Mike because he had asked his son to help him pay his medical bills. Of that, Mike refused, telling his father to move to Florida and get on welfare. This sparked the epic showdown that we saw on Youtube.

Frank is planning on releasing a tell-all book, and afterward, wants to pursue plans for a reality television show. TMZ reports that the reason behind the reality show idea is because one of his children told him that he has no talent, so he wants to prove them wrong.

If that doesn’t pan out for him, Frank wants to host a talk show. Interesting. But would you watch???

If you thought for one second that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino wasn’t a diva, then think again! Seriously.

Mike is currently on tour in support of his deal with Devotion Vodka and his tour rider is insane. Life&Style reports:

“No one can speak to or make eye contact with him directly,” an insider tells the Scene Queens of the rider. “And ‘the Situation’ must always be marked as trademarked.” The Situation also requires that he be greeted at the airport, hotel and venue, and be accompanied by security at all times. Plus, no Jersey Shore rider would be complete without booze and babes. For his recent appearance at 4sixty6 club in New Jersey, the Sitch required six bottles of Devotion vodka, 24 cans of Red Bull, two bottles of high-end champagne and first-class security to keep out “grenades.”

Guess what else the Sitch wants to be a diva about? The one good thing he has going for him, his abs….He refuses to show them off anymore. A source said, “He just wouldn’t do it.”

Ugh. If we could tape his mouth shut, put a bag over his head, remove his shirt and use him as a scarecrow, he’d be perfect. Wouldn’t he?

If you thought the real Jersey Shore was stupid, look at what these idiots are passing around on Twitter.

Snooki tweeted the above photo, saying, “love this” and JWoww re-tweeted it, adding, “Omg lol classic”.

What’s killing me is that these mini-me’s are all of about ten-years-old and the JWoww one looks so terrible. How on Earth did they think it was classy to make some poor children dress up to look like them?

Madness, I tell you. Madness.

In case you hadn’t heard, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has a book coming out titled, Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore. The book is set for release on November 2nd, and we’ve got the inside scoop on what kind of advice he’s dishing out!

According to Mike, you can find happiness on the Jersey shore if you dodge “grenades”, avoid sickness and also includes a one-night stand checklist.

The book features illustrations on proper ab maintenance and the one-night stand checklist features tips such as, “The best sex is often with a grenade — because she’s so grateful”. He offers up some shaving wisdom, saying, “Chicks do dig guys with shaved legs…maybe they’re into the Michael Phelps look.”

To avoid any unwanted colds or sickness, he says, “Before any chick gets into my bed I make her slide into a 200-degree Jacuzzi to sterilize any microbial bacteria that might endanger my health.”

And there’s even a prayer for guys like Mike. It reads, “God grant me the stamina to satisfy hot chicks, the courage to deny grenades, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

After writing this, I am utterly convinced that Mike had a ghost writer. I’ve seen his little bit part on Dancing With The Stars and he doesn’t come off as the sharpest tool in the shed. Microbial? He did not write this. Ha.

Just when you thought it was bad enough that Snooki snagged herself a book deal, her Jersey Shore co-star, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has just revealed his new book cover art. Ugh.

The book is titled, Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore and is set for release on November 2, 2010.

Will you buy his book? Or do you already know how to avoid grenades? (Steer clear of war zones?!?)

South Park set their aim on the characters of Jersey Shore, more specifically, on Snooki, for last night’s episode.

The episode, titled, It’s A Jersey Thing, made fun of an animal-like smooshing Snooki. It was pure genius, how they portrayed her. She will smoosh anyone who gets in her way. And of course, she loves pickles.

The real Snooki said that she even enjoyed the episode, tweeting, “snooki want smoosh smoosh. im going to have nightmares tonight lmao!!! we’ve officially made it. goodnite my bitches ♥”

Check out a video clip, after the jump! (continue reading…)

The Situation and his dancing partner, Karina Smirnoff, were busting a move in the parking lot. But, no matter how practice this guy gets, he doesn’t seem to be good enough to continue on Dancing With The Stars.

Especially after Monday’s futuristic Foxtrot. I can’t believe that the judges wanted to see that one again. And what was up with that see-through mesh shirt he was wearing? I guess they have to try and play up his best feature for ratings.

What do you think of The Situation’s dance moves?

We really don’t have actual photographic evidence that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has tiny junk, but here’s a photo of Condoleezza Rice to give a visual representation for all of us. Thanks Condi, now that we know you’re good for something.

Reportedly, allegedly and all of that other legal jabber, Mike isn’t as “gifted” as he would like you to think. Either that, or this is a jealous woman who wanted more from him, but couldn’t get it because he didn’t want to be seen in public with her without putting a bag over her head first. One of those.

Star reports:

“I wouldn’t even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes,” Florida club promoter Melody Eckerson tells Star about their tryst in the Jersey Shore cast’s Miami Beach party pad. Things started out normal enough and Melody admits she was even imagining what it would be like to be his girlfriend. But she got a huge surprise when the reality TV star dropped his pants and revealed — a very tiny Situation!

“Let’s just say, I’m thinking of my pinky,” Melody tells Star.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Too funny. She wanted to be his girlfriend. Heh.

This t-shirt is perfect for that “guido” in your life who wants to show off the abs ala The Situation from MTV’s Jersey Shore.

It features a handy ab window so that you can show off your six pack while trying to avoid grenades. But seriously, who wears this stuff???

What’ll these kids think up next?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino really unleashed a huge ball of suck on last night’s season premiere episode of Dancing With The Stars. He scored a whopping 15 points, but he is trying to explain away the awful performance that we witnessed on the dance floor.

Mike says that it was all because he only had five days to practice due to filming commitments with Jersey Shore. Ugh. How much more is this guy going to use this excuse?

I’m sure he’s not going anywhere just yet. Bristol Palin or Margaret Cho should definitely be first on the chopping block on tonight’s results show.

Who do you think is getting the axe tonight?

Jersey Shore juicehead, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino hasn’t gotten enough of the rapping business as of yet. Even though his first rap song, The Situation Rap, didn’t go over too well, he still wants to give it a try.

Pop Eater reports:

Sorrentino tells PopEater the world hasn’t heard the last of his singing, as he’s in the studio working on a few remixes and eventually a full album. “I’m lyrically gifted, so to speak, and definitely not too bad on the mic at all,” he boasted at the NoX Edge launch at GNC in New York.

He needs to let that go already. Stick to whatever it is that you’re good at.