earsucker

In case you missed Charlie Sheen’s UStream broadcast of Sheen’s Korner last night, we’ve got the full text to what he referred to as his manifesto AKA his rant!

Here it is, in full and uncensored! (And spell-checked, without any omissions, like some others whose name we won’t mention — RadarOnline.)

Good evening. What occurred yesterday was completely and entirely illegal. Unconscionable. And to quote my lawyer, ‘really shitty shitty suck suck.’ The decision to choose the enemy is generally thought of as quote ‘a chaotic and random event fueled by the circumstance of injustice yet paralleled by the finite rate of purpose’ end quote. However, when the crosshairs land squarely upon the very heart that I call my own, quote, ‘the rules suddenly lose shape and the bell no longer tolls for the candid meek or the battle weary veteran left behind to guard his soul’, end quote.

Edgar Allen ME 2077. Now that I have your lazy fucking attention, world. Sit back and rejoice. For the Malibu Messiah, the Condor of Calabasas, the fucking warlock of your jealous face sits before you. Undigested hummus trading real estate for this fire dance.

I beg you all to stay glued to this raving wise, Gibson shredding napalm poet before you. Alone and unshackled as the desperate cries of the soon forgotten echo freely in my lair. Directing your gaze to their silly and sad, legless and dying heartbeats. (continue reading…)

Darn it. We really tried to anger Chris Brown into going off while on his UStream chat tonight, but were brutally rebuffed by the filter. Apparently, “douche” or any form of the word is censored as “inappropriate language.”

He is here at his UStream channel if you wish to give it a try.

Check out the roadblock we hit: (continue reading…)

When Noah Cyrus isn’t busy “smacking that“, staying up too late on UStream or singing craptastic kiddie songs, she’s staying up too late on UStream singing about beer.

Yes, you’ve read that correctly. A ten-year-old wannabe is singing about getting “crunk”, drinking Jack and beer. Follow me after the jump for the underage goodness. (continue reading…)