earsucker

I had to give “Made In America” a few moments of my time. Hearing that it was rock/metal with a political twist, I was intrigued. What I was expecting was something along the lines of Megadeth’s “Holy Wars” or “Hook In Mouth”. What I got was utter nonsense. Each song made me want to skip to the next one, in hopes of something better. Pokerface leaves a lot to be desired.

The good: The guitars weren’t so bad, I could probably tolerate a solo or two.
The bad:The vocals, this guy sounds like a beaten down Chris Cornell.
The oh-god-my-ears:The entire package. Shoot me already.

I’ve never been a fan of country music. For my readers, however, I was willing to endure this so you won’t have to. Okay, you can, if you want a laugh. Coming to you (hopefully not literally) from Santa Monica, CA, is Crash Davis. Their first single is “Bitter End”, and I can’t help but to mention that I did not last through that entire song, let alone song #2.

The good? The music player has a stop button.
The bad? They sing out of key.
The oh-god-my-ears? Listen to this crazy metaphor from the lyrics: “Woman, I feel as empty as a box thrown around my living room…”

No, really, it was just Devastation Inc. The player, however, would not stop beating up my eardrums with this nonsense –even after I clicked stop. This guy has all of his contact information on his myspace page….just in case you may want to correspond with this clown.

The good? The guitar sounds, definitely very Slayer-like. Sounds great.
The bad? This guy is a solo act…c’mon, there has to be a problem with someone who has close to 10k plays on his tunes and NO friends.
The oh-god-my-ears? His voice. ‘Nuff said. Listen for yourself.

Per news at The Superficial, we got word that Jermaine Dupri was getting the axe for trying to turn Janet Jackson into an R&B singer.

And I quote:

The insider explained, “Janet Jackson is a pop icon, and Jermaine tried to turn her into an R&B singer … I mean she’s [EXPLITIVE] Janet Jackson not Letoya Luckett.” The angry insider continued, “this was really a great album, I still can’t figure out how Jermaine messed this one up so badly.”

Via MediaTakeOut:

And according to our source, Jermaine Dupri was on thin ice at Virgin even before the album was released. The source tells, “during the build up for Janet’s album, Jermaine made some comments that people around here thought were racist … he said that Janet makes music for Black people … I guess he didn’t want White people to buy her album.” The source continued, “after he made those statements, [a top Virgin Records executive] told me that if Janet didn’t sell big, Jermaine was getting fired.”

So, Jermaine Dupri doesn’t want to market to white people? What I’ve learned in sales is that you never outcast an entire demographic. Good one, Jermaine, I hear there may be a job opening at Bennigans.

Methinks she won’t be at the Grammy’s anytime soon….unless she’s a presenter.

Now kiddies can get in on the anti-piracy laws that are plaguing everyone. In LA, boy scouts can earn a “Respect Copyrights” merit patch. Via Boing Boing, I found this tidbit:

This tacky monstrosity is the “Respecting Copyrights merit patch” that Los Angeles Boy Scouts can receive if they consent to being brainwashed by the MPAA’s curriculum. Nice to see an organization in loco parentis shilling for a cartel of Fortune 100 companies.

Check this lame-brained idea out:

FYI: This “patch is not sanctioned by the Boy Scouts of America, thus it not being termed a “merit badge”.

From the MPAA,

“Working with the Boy Scouts of Los Angeles, we have a real opportunity to educate a new generation about how movies are made, why they are valuable, and hopefully change attitudes about intellectual property theft,” Dan Glickman, chairman of the Motion Picture Association of America, said Friday.

Via the LA Times:

The inspiration for the new badge came from Hong Kong, where the local Boy Scouts organization had its members pledge not to use or buy pirated materials. In addition, the Scouts agreed to search Internet file-sharing sites and turn in sites and users they see violating the law. The campaign was launched at a stadium before a slew of pop stars where the so-called “youth ambassadors” pledged to stem the rise piracy.

The move raised concerns from civil libertarians, who feared the group was creating thousands of young spies to snitch on copyright abusers.

Snitches get stitches!

VioletKitty does “Nothing Compares 2U” by Sinead O’Connor

This has got to be the worst rendition of “Nothing Compares 2 U” ever done. This lady, while she has a distinctly different voice and vocal range, should not have done this song. Given her dedications and requests, though, I would say it might brighten my day a little to have someone sing a song for me. Nevertheless, it sucks.

Verdict: You’ll need ear bleach for this one just to get the sound outta your head. Scary.

Via Myspace, is Emcee G The Collective Family. First of all, when listening to this track, I had to continuously readjust the volume on my speakers. The volume goes up and down. I’m not really sure what is going on in this song. It sounds like some old school Archie Bunker sounding music in the background and some guy trying to rap. The background noise drowns out the rapper, and you’re left wondering what you just poisoned your ears with.

This song is listed under several categories, one of which being Black Metal. Definitely unnapropriate here.

I hope that they can get back in the studio and perfect whatever sound that they are trying to accomplish here before unleashing it on the world. This is some scary stuff and I’m not afraid of anything.

Want some real black metal for a band that’s actually good and can use your support? Check out Legion of Doom. This IS Black Metal, folks.

Verdict: The lone pic of that guy on their myspace page isn’t even worth posting.

I wouldn’t buy this album if K-Fed promised me the world, let alone his used shoes that he wore to the Teen Choice Awards. K-Fed is a leech of the worst kind and he has no real talent. He is definitely riding on Britney’s coattails.

The shoes just happen to be the second place prize. First place gets a trip for two to L.A. for his Halloween album release party, which Brit will host.

They should fly me to L.A. just for getting through the entire album.

Utter nonsense. K-Fed, your fifteen minutes are up.

This little gem I found via Fark, is definitely the most hilarious thing out there right now. The title, “It Came With No Talent”, sums it all up. Watch this black and white short and be amazed. How do you make them go away? You stop paying attention to them!

Verdict: Thumbs up to Betterthanthemachine.net for making this happen. I’m still laughing.

I was originally going to post something about Paris Hilton’s video for “Stars are blind”, but this is just too funny to keep quiet about.
Via BBC News:

Banksy has replaced Hilton’s CD with his own remixes and given them titles such as Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For?

He has also changed pictures of her on the CD sleeve to show the US socialite topless and with a dog’s head.

A spokeswoman for Banksy said he had doctored 500 copies of her debut album Paris in 48 record shops across the UK.

Apparently, some agree:

No customers had complained or returned a doctored version, he said.

No lawsuit has ensued? Maybe Paris Hilton is wondering, too, why she’s famous.

And, about the “Stars are blind” video: Leave the black and white screened lovers frolicking on the beach to Chris Isaak, you weirdo.

There really isn’t anything nice I can say about this band or video. The singer looks like Ashton Kutcher and their sound reminds me of bluesy rehashed classic rock. Leave it to Led Zeppelin, boys.

Verdict: The devil got a holda the lyrics. It coulda been worse, I imagine.

This is the worst video/song ever. The “Hoff” attempts to lure three women into his “talking car” (ahem, KITT). This video is somewhat retro and ridiculously stupid. The girls rebuff Hasselhoff, but later, one is talked into allowing him to take her home. Only when he finds out how far home is for her, he tells her to get out of his car. The Hoff should’ve stuck to Baywatch.

Verdict: Never get into a car with a stranger.

With it’s mix of electronica, weird beats, and spoken word nonsense, our first victim is Dirty Sanchez. The lyrics sound as if they were thought up by a seven-year-old child.Via their Myspace page:

By now you must have heard of Dirty Sanchez and if you haven’t you’re about to. They’ve been wowing audiences for the past few years with
their crazy blend of electro rock and over the top performances. The
shows are full of energy, costume changes and props, super charged
songs, and an amazing stage presence. They’ve played alongside greats
such as Miss Kittin, Fannypack, Boy George, Nina Hagen and The Hacker.

What’s left to the imagination? How about, how on earth they got 430k total plays?!?

Per Wikipedia, a “dirty sanchez” is defined as follows:

It is performed by sticking one’s finger (or other object) in one partner’s rectum and then swiping a line of feces under the nose, making a “moustache” that looks Hispanic, hence “Sanchez”.

I think the same can be said for this music, just don’t ‘swipe’ it near my ears. Total crap.

Verdict: They owe us stars.