8 Hilarious One-Liners Spoken By Celebrities Over The Years

8 Hilarious One-Liners Spoken By Celebrities Over The Years

Over the years, interview crews have amassed endless hours of celebrity interview tapes. Thus, there is no end to great celebrity quotes. Here is a list of some of the more impressive one-liners that celebrities have said over the years.

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” – Will Rogers

Will Rogers was of the most famous celebrities in the world in the 1920’s and 1930’s. Here, Rogers is making a joke about elderly drivers. Rogers was known for his social commentary, and this quote is a good example of his signature style.

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

Monroe may have been known more for her beauty than for her wit, but this quote shows that she was not only a gorgeous woman and famous actress, but was also funny and intelligent. The commentary she is making here is an apt observation about social class, and the fact that it’s a joke allowed her to say it at a time when social equality was not as big an issue as it is today.

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” Steve Martin

In this quote Martin is applying humor to one of the most nerve-wracking situations you can encounter in life: waiting for a potentially serious diagnosis from your doctor. If only it was that easy to see the humor in those kinds of situations!

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck

A fantastic and hilarious observation here from Bombeck, drawing humor to the medical field like the Martin quote.

“At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

The famous relationship columnist Landers is displaying and having fun with her relationship wisdom. This joke also shows that in a relationship, when things are down, humor can be the right tonic.

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” – Axl Rose

One of the biggest rock singers in the 1980’s and 1990’s, Axl Rose has an extremely unique voice that many doubters think is an acquired taste!

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry S. Truman

Coming from the former president of the United States, this is a one-liner to remember, especially if you’re interested in politics!

“Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” – Christopher Marlowe

Marlowe was alive roughly 500 years ago and still has something relevant but biting to say about relationships and what men and women look for in each other. Many men would tell you he’s right, while many women might tell you he’s wrong, but commenting on something 500 years ago that still causes people to talk today makes this quote one to remember. Celebrities from all kinds of backgrounds have interesting observations to make about people and society, despite what you read in the tabloids. When looking for funny quotes by celebrities to raise the eyebrows of your family and friends, remember this list and pass it on!

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