Michael Lohan is a douchebucket – a story

If you ever wondered why Lindsay Lohan went from starring in Disney movies and doing cutesy roles to her latest flicks as strippers and porn stars, then look no further than her father, Michael Lohan. He’s a douchebucket. True story.

This guy was said to have done drugs in front of her, acted out violently toward Lindsay and her mother Dina, and that’s just what we’ve heard….so far. Keep your friends close and your family closer!

Lindsay was a promising young actress before she got swallowed up whole by Hollywood. She got mixed up with the wrong crowd (we’re looking at you, Paris) and got mixed up even harder with drugs and booze. Living the fast life washes you out. Then, all of the sudden, you’re looking into the mirror at a modest 24-years-old, with your puffed out lips, washed out blond hair and stick thin figure, wondering how did all of this happen.

And then they slap the cuffs on you, and it all becomes real. Daddy is a real winner, isn’t he? The night before she gets locked up, he wants to call her from the bar to rub it in that he’s partying and she can’t. He’s been spouting off to the media every chance he gets about his daughter’s prescription drug habit. He went on CNN on Friday night after she got locked up to tell the world that his addict daughter doesn’t need jail, she needs rehab.

Here’s a note to Mike: No one “needs” jail, it’s not there for your convenience, it’s there for criminals to pay their debts to society. The judge in her case felt the need to toss her in the pokey and everyone is crying over it. She committed a crime. She hijacked an SUV strung out on coke and chased someone down with people still inside of it. Where I come from that’s called kidnapping, drug abuse and grand theft auto. Be lucky that she only got sentenced to ninety days, it’s not like she’s going to serve but a fraction of it.

Now, in an effort to be father of the year, he’s reaching out to Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Wahlberg, but I’ll bet it’s going to serve his purposes more than hers.

He said, “My people are reaching out to Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Wahlberg. I know both of them and Mark is a tremendous human being. Hopefully they’ll see her before she gets out and she’ll get in this rehab and get off these prescription meds, and she’ll get her life back.”

Ooh, celebrity connections. He must be famous. Or not. Besides all of that, he’s rumored to be an “alleged” woman beater. That and he takes pics of his fiancees while they’re conked out naked. Stay classy, you.

He’s a leech, plain and simple. And he needs to go away. If my father was like that, I would kill myself.

Rant over.

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