Last week, Stephen Colbert put his show, The Colbert Report, on hiatus for mysterious reasons. Afterward, we learned that his 91-year-old mother Lorna was sick, so he flew to Charleston, South Carolina to be by her side.
Stephen returned to the helm of his show last night, to discuss the rumors surrounding his absence. He used the opening of the show to talk about all of the rumors.
Firstly, he touches on the rumors that the FCC took him off of the air by request of the FEC because he was about to announce his candidacy for the presidential election. Next, he says he was canceled by the Catholic church for comparing the Pope’s hat to a “giant, yet stylish prophylactic.”
Others said that he was in rehab, which he calls “an attractive option” — if they have that for Diet Coke. He even talked about the funny rumors started by Joan Rivers that he was off of the show to get plastic surgery.
Watch the video:
She joked that Stephen got a nose job and then said that he would have “new eyes”. In response, he said, “Wrong, Joan. I did not have my eyes done…that’s ridiculous. I had my ass done. The doctors cranked this thing so high and tight it can barely blink now.”
Afterward, he paid tribute to his mother, by saying that “having eleven children makes you as tough as nails.”
We’re glad to hear that his mother is doing better — and so much for the rumor mill!